Nearly Killed by Hill

So this recap of the Hollywood Half Marathon is so late, but better late than not at all.

I want to say first and foremost that I still have not recovered 100% from the run even though it was two weeks ago. I mean I'm not hobbling around like an old man anymore, but I'm not exactly running again. It feels at this point that there might be some permanent knee and foot issues, but I'm hoping those go away eventually. Please.

So! To the race recap.

The night before I assembled my costume. I cut my name out of felt and safety pinned it to my moisture wicking shirt. This was necessary because the bibs for this race didn't have our names on them. And then trying to recreate my "chasing the bone" idea from the Disneyland Half, I made a paper carrot and used a rod from a $1 whisk to hang from the bill of my cap. It was Easter and was completely fitting.

So yes, I was chasing a carrot. And that joke is even funnier if you know the meaning of my last name.

But anyway, I got ready for the race at 3AM. My coworker Robin picked me up at 4:45 and we got to the starting line super early. She asked me how I felt and I told her I felt fine; felt good about running. Then she told me that, as a veteran runner, she used to get nervous about the what ifs; namely what if I have to poop during the race. And suddenly I was nervous about pooping!

I got all quiet. Butterflies in my stomach waiting to be shit out. I was fucking scared.

At this race, I'm guessing since it was the inaugural, they didn't place us in corrals. They had starting points based on your pace and you just jumped into one. We decided to start out in the 12:00/mile group.

The horn blew and after waiting a long time, we were off! We trotted through City Walk and down a big hill and across the 101 freeway. Then passed the eventual finish line and down to Hollywood Blvd. Early on I let the downhill gravity propel me forward whereas Robin fought it to maintain her pace, so she beckoned me to take off without her. So I went.

I blew passed a lot of people. And as I passed I could hear everyone having a good laugh at the carrot. They would yell out "I LOVE THE CARROT!" and "GET THAT CARROT!" It really helped motivate me.

We ran right passed my condo and I was hoping a neighbor would come down to cheer me on, but I guess it was too early.

Not even halfway through the run, the water stations ran out of cups. So we would have to cup our hands to receive water. Rookie mistake for an organized race. At one point the volunteers had bailed and left water jugs scattered on the street for us to pick up and hydrate.

Around mile 6 I started to fade. My strategy became run for 20 feet--walk till my legs don't hurt anymore. But knowing the streets and having checkpoints helped me along in a big way. This was my neighborhood! I would say "next up is the Umami I love" or "here comes the gay bar I like."

The turn around point came around mile 8 and that's when the tortoise left the hare in the dust. Robin, still maintaining her pace, tapped me on the shoulder as she passed by. I had burned out.

Miles 9 and 10 are a blur. I don't really know how I got passed them. But as I rounded the corner at Hollywood/Highland to go back up Cahuenga, a dude carried a sign that said "KILL THE HILL."

Ohhh, did he mean that that lovely downhill beginning that worked so well for me was now going to be the fucking bane of my existence????

Sure enough, miles 11 and 12 and 12.5 were ALL UP HILL. And everyone was defeated by it. It was like The Walking Dead up that hill. There was a point where Katy Perry's Hot n Cold came on and I was like "alright Katy. Let's get up this hill!" and I would start to jog upward, but I soon realized that it was too painful to jog and I wasn't going any faster than my walking speed.

So I just walked the entire thing. It NEVER ENDED. But eventually the hill finally rounded off and a tall handsome buff half naked man wearing his finisher medal was there to cheer us on before the finish.

He said clapping "Only half a mile left guys! And it's all downhill! You got the crowd behind you! You can do it!"

I would have jumped his bones right then and there, but I had a race to finish. Plus my knees were so bad at this point I most likely could not literally jump.

And so, I said to myself, "if that smokin hottie wants me to run, then for hot man's sake I'm going to run!"

I started back up but immediately my left quad seized up. This had happened before during the Disneyland Half, so I decided to run through it. But then my calf seize up and suddenly my left leg was frozen. Then starting at the left ankle, a numbness quickly shot through my leg and I panicked. This feeling was new. I stopped for a second and stretched a bit.

Back on the road and suddenly my right leg seizes up this time. This reduced me to a sad hobble. But by then I had reached the beginning of the finish line crowd.

"CATCH THAT CARROT!! YOU CAN DO IT!!"

Let's DO THIS! I thought. And ignoring all the pain and focusing solely on the approaching finish line, I sprinted to the end, weaving through the fatties that finished with me. With a fist pump I stuck a fork in my second half marathon.

Half marathons are just the right challenge for me. It's difficult but still doable and I really have to push myself but it's so rewarding in the end. The medal is fantastic! Well worth the death of my knee.

I'm anxious to heal completely so I can race again! Hoping to do a 10K at the end of the month but we'll see how my knee feels.

Marathon of Marathons

Tis the year of running for me. This all happened during a complete lapse in sanity no doubt. After completing the Disneyland Half Marathon in 2011, I was a little unsure of signing up for another one. On one hand the pain of it completely sucked. But on the other hand I completed it! And I didn't really train for it, so it wasn't so bad.

But it was an accomplishment that I was done with. Checked off my list. So what compelled me to sign up again?

My damn family! :)

We are doing a Kwan Family Cardio event! Several of us cousins are signed up and ready to run on September 2.

But that wasn't enough for me it seems. I went on ahead and signed up to run the inaugural Hollywood Half Marathon. And that's this Saturday!! I'm a little anxious because I'm running it all by myself. Hoping that some of my friends show up on the sidelines to cheer me on. I was thinking of making a banner to hang from my living room that says "GO RICKY, GO!" seeing as the course runs by my condo twice!

And if that isn't wicked enough, Eric invited me along to Florida to run the Twilight Zone: Tower of Terror 13K. It's a night run that includes a private after party at Disney Studios. I love the ride so much this sounds like so much fun! So I guess I'm going to Walt Disney World again in September.

That's right. Two Disney runs, coast to coast, in one month. Crazy!!!

Here we go..

Sleep Well Grandma Kwan

I've been pondering this entry for three weeks now; my heartfelt "goodbye" to my amazing grandmother. But I hate that word: goodbye. It seems so finite. And especially in the context of losing someone, I have this sense that saying goodbye implies never finding one another again.

My grandmother's health had been declining in the last year and a half or so. If you saw pictures from two years ago, you would have seen a healthy lady, happy and endearing as always. But things can turn so fast.

And that's the thing that makes cancer such a fucking bitch.

Soon she had lost the ability to produce saliva and speak clearly. It was incredibly hard to watch her eat and to see my parents' frustration and grandma's frustration when she tried to tell them something. It was hard to understand. And we would have never known that later on, what we would give to hear that voice at that moment just once more.

She resisted for a long time, but finally the eating situation was so bad that she really needed a feeding tube. And with the feeding tube required 24 hour monitoring that was hard on her children. I know mom had to work hard days at work and then her weekends were spent caring for grandma. But that's what you do for someone you love so much.

They did this for almost a year or maybe longer. I'm not entirely sure of the timeframe. And my grandma was so strong. She was a fighter. She shocked doctors who didn't think she had much time left. But that kind of living only lasts for so long.

Soon she lost the ability to speak at all. She had a bike horn that she would honka-honka whenever she needed something. And she could only communicate by writing things out. But how wonderful to have documentation that we can keep and cherish of her thoughts. On several pads of paper.

In her last few months the only thing that she really enjoyed doing was play mahjong. I wish I could have played with her more, but we got in two last game sessions. And I'm happy to say that as weak as they say she was, she kicked our asses in those last two games. Her brain was still so sharp. It's just that her body wasn't up for the task.

During her last week she eventually lost all hearing and could only see, albeit not 100%. But the last time I saw her alert and awake, I skipped work to see her at the hospital. They had stabilized her after a scare. I went in there and she was awake, but her eyes were sort of glazed over. And she was looking directly above her. I could almost see the reflection of whatever heavenly matter that manifested above her in her retinas. And then she turned her head slowly and saw me. And even though only one side of her cheek was functional, she still gave me a smile and a nod. And I knew she would be all right. She then turned back to look above her and I can only imagine what amazing mystical entity had her in awe. But I guess I'll let you know in my final blog entry when I get there.

A week later, on January 17, 2012, kidney dialysis wasn't an option, so the entire family rallied by her side. We even video chatted via iPad to Ellvin and Grace in New York. With her children around her bed and her grandchildren watching a live FaceTime stream in the waiting room, we let her go. Probably one of the hardest things to ever watch. Ever.

I was told that her big fear was that no one would be around her when she passed away. And the entire day of the 17th she had been in a coma. But within her final 37 seconds of life, for a brief second, she opened her eyes to find herself surrounded by all she loved and so much love.

I have to recognize this amazing family that I am a part of. How they took care of her in this final year; learning how to use these heavy duty medical contraptions. Despite all the hardships, they made it work. They banded together, closer than ever, and gave her one more year. So to hear my Auntie Debbie crying on a shoulder and wishing there was more she could have done for her.. broke my heart. You guys did so much. Know that. You did everything. And it would never feel like enough. I only hope and promise to do as much as you did for grandma for my parents and my family and my future husband.

I've written a lot about her final moments. I wanted to have this documented if only because I feel that my mind will want to let go of this heartache and block this painful time from my memory. But it's important to remember it; to remind myself of the strength this family has gained through all this. And maybe I should have written more loving memories I had with grandma on this tribute. But the thing is I'll always have and cherish those times.

Like the joy of seeing her complete English word searches and learn some English along the way! And how cute she was when she smiled at me in Yellowstone and she forgot she didn't have her dentures in but then smiled even more because she couldn't help it. And her calls to us to drive down to her house to walk over to the park and get free lunchy.

And so I won't say goodbye. Not here. I will simply say sleep well Po Po. Sleep with no pain. Sleep with your most wonderful dreams and memories. Sleep until we all wake again reunited, in the big KFC in the sky, and move beyond that mystical entity above together.

Bookend

Tonight we say goodbye to 2011. A year that flew by entirely too fast. Or maybe I just don't remember most of it because of all the drinking that had happened.

I wanted to say on here as a reminder to myself what a life changing year this has been. Or at least the very start of my life change or my life in general.

This year I fully moved out to Hollywood, CA. With tremendous help from my parents who just want me to be as happy as I can be, I bought a place that overlooks the freakin' Hollywood sign. It's there when I wash dishes!

I didn't know anyone moving out here, but luckily it was a new building so everyone was new. So it felt like the college orientation meet and greet I never got as a commuter. I made friends with many in the building with my closest neighbors being Wally and Jose.

Through Jose I met Andrija and for probably 5 months straight we've been hitting the bars/clubs every weekend. He's moving to New York in a couple of weeks, which sucks, but we will stay friends and it gives me an extra excuse to visit the east coast!

Not much happened in the dating department, though I did go on two dates with a movie producer; the son of the guy who wrote Braveheart and directed The Secretariat. But after two dates things never amounted to anything and we mutually didn't call each other back. I guess he wasn't that "EXCEPTIONALLLL!"

This year I ran my first half marathon. It might be my last, but I am seriously considering running the inaugural Hollywood Half Marathon. It has a cool medal! Chelsey and I did the Disneyland Half Marathon in 3 hours flat, though we did take a lengthy bathroom break in there somewhere, so I know we ran it in less time.

I turned 30 this year! And I ushered my new adultdom in with a bitchin' Harry Potter party with just about everyone I love. It was such a hit that I am now considering doing a huge birthday party for myself every year.

I got a promotion at work. I went from Competitive Analyst to Product Support Director. The job is tough and doesn't pay more, but I work for my friend Michael and he's great and looks after me.

I became an uncle! I can't blog enough about how much I love Peytan! I can't wait to see her grow up and talk to her about her days and whatnot. I'm so proud.

This year though was tough for Grandma K. Her health has slipped and she required constant care. It was especially hard on my mom and aunts and uncles.

Despite some hardships, this year has been amazing. I feel like I've known my new neighbor friends for forever, yet it's only been a year. Looking forward to more good times down the road. Also looking forward to spending some more quality time with my old friends. And of course I envision myself flying out to New York quite often, with gifts!

So long 2011. You were good to me.

Xmas Sound Off

It's been a while since I've last blogged. But at this very moment I'm riding shotgun in the car on the way to Selena and Simon's house for Xmas party number 2 and I find myself with time to unload the old noggin.

SPEED UP YOU ASSHOLE!!

Sorry. Holiday drivers..

Anyway what's been up? I have recently gotten full fledged into How I Met Your Mother. And I am so looking for my own Ted Mosby or Marshall Ericson. The show is so sweet and romantic.

I got a Kindle Touch from Tim and Mike Wong for Xmas and I've been pouring through The Hunger Games! So addicting.

I can't wait till next week when I spend New Years Eve with my neighbors. I've really gotten to know Jose, Wally, and Andrija this year.

And lastly I've been recently chatting with a new guy from OKcupid. I see possible sparks here so let's see where this goes!!

The Eleventieth Hour

It's 11/11/11!

What's kind of cool is that I remember the day when I wrote the blog entry on 04/04/04.

And holy shit now it's 7 years later. Keeping this blog really puts my life in perspective. So much has changed since then. So much good stuff. I don't mean to quote the AM/PM slogan, but it's true!

Now comes the obligatory mushy stuff. I am so grateful for everything that has happened to me. And I would likely not change a thing. Well if I could change one thing I would do everything in my power not to fart in front of my neighbor Jose. Yes, that happened. And yes, I was mortified.

That's the bad thing about keeping a blog. The embarrassing stuff is forever..

4U 4RM 4S

Check me out! I am blogging this from the Blogger app on my new iPhone 4S! Nothing significant about this post. Just test driving this new means of bloggerating. Happy November! And I hope next year Halloween is better for you.

A Centipede.. With Human Features

It's that time of the year again! Halloween! One of my favorite holidays to prepare for, but not necessarily have. I only say that because for me creating a costume is more fun and exciting than actually wearing it. Last year I was The Riddler. That costume was hell to make, but in the end it came together swimmingly!

Sometime during the year I found my old Mr. Centipede doll from James and the Giant Peach. My favorite character from that movie! I thought it would be an easy costume to execute and allow me to reuse my newsie cap that I've used so many times before.

Two months before Halloween I started looking through thrift stores for necessary materials. I settled on a light gray thermal shirt ($1), fabric markers to draw stripes on the shirt ($6), a similar looking gray blouse to create extra arms ($1), brown striped trousers ($3), and Model Magic clay to create the hands and single horn sticking out of the hat ($6). My very first pair of suspenders ($8) and an orange pair of gloves ($10) from H&M rounded out my costume. I even got some turquoise contact lenses for a nice touch. As an accessory, I wanted to make a cigar that actually lit up at the tip. I found a Star Wars lightsaber M&M's dispenser ($5), wrapped it in paper/stuffing, rolled a cut up brown shirt ($1) around it, and taped a smudged cotton ball at the end. The effect was charming.

The arms presented a challenge. Sewn to the sides of my shirt, they just dangled lifeless and created "fat rolls" in the shirt. I knew I needed to connect them to my real arms so that they moved in coordination. I ended up using safety pins on my real arm sleeves and tied fishing line to it. Then with a sewing needle, I stitched through the artificial arms. It worked pretty well, but the weight of the artificial arms drew down the bottom of my sleeves and it did not look good. So I cut up an old sock and put the safety pin on that; drew the fishing line through a hole in my sleeve where I wear the sock directly on my arm. Success!

All looked to be going as planned, but then I did a full dress rehearsal with face paint. Whereas The Riddler costume came together beautifully, I was not happy at all with the overall look of Mr. Centipede. What was wrong? The makeup for one was not good. I looked nothing like the picture above. My head just isn't the right shape. And worse, my gloves were a brighter orange than everything else. It looked like my hands were badly sunburnt.

Because the costume needed work, I didn't wear it to the annual Trick-or-Treat tour at work. Which is pretty disappointing. Instead, I donned a generic Hogwarts costume with a double lightning bolt scar that I was told looked like a Nazi symbol. Oy!

So I ran to the store and found some gold felt squares (it was the closest they had to orange!) for Mom to stitch me up some homemade gloves ($1.20). They weren't perfect, but the toned down color blended better than the neon orange H&M gloves (waste of money!!). But there was still the problem of the makeup.

It was a game time decision, but I thought, what if I just drew an orange triangular nose. It's the most notable color on the character's face. So I drew a triangle. But the color blended too well into my real skin color, so I used red face paint to draw the outline of the nose. Then I decided to just accent my face with orange and do a minimalist approach. So I drew some orange lines above my eyebrows and some on my cheeks and chin. It worked!.. well enough. I was actually happy with how it looked. A stylistic take on Mr. Centipede.

I went to a bar last night in costume and no one really knew who I was. But I guess I didn't really expect people to know. I'm just glad I didn't hear many Human Centipede comments. Tomorrow night I'll be heading down to West Hollywood for the giant Halloween bash! Hope I get recognized!

Four Days With a Four Month Old

Ellvin, Grace, and Peytan came by last week for a visit (to see Grandma Kwan) and so I took most of the week off. We only see each other maybe 3 times a year (if that) and so it was important to max out as much time spent with them as possible.

At this moment Peytan is 4 months old and she's a big baby! My goodness. Holding her is tough! But she's a total sweetheart! She's not yet in a clingy separation anxiety phase, so she willingly goes to anyone. She's quiet and adorable. And for maybe 4 hours each day (spread across 20 minute intervals), she's playful!

One thing that I love is that she sleeps with a cute Winnie the Pooh plush pillow doll I gave her. Grace said that in the morning she will often times talk to Pooh and reach out for him.

We were able to throw a party for Peytan on the last night they were here. It was the first time all the new babies in our family were in the same room together.

And just as quickly as they blew in, they were gone; headed back to New York. The next time I see them will probably be next May when Peytan turns one! I might have to plan a New York getaway sometime in between.

Sigh. I miss them already. But I am already working on my next gift for her. :)

Crossroads of My World

There are times here and there and everywhere in between when I feel like I need some change or I need to set up some change or I need to start thinking of setting up some change. These are crossroads in our lives and we all encounter them. It's the moment when you think about your life and wonder if you should continue down this path or follow a different road.

I mentioned a few weeks back that I got a promotion at work. I getting involved in my new products and responsibilities and tasks, which is great. And I do love the title: Product Support Director. But there's always this jabbing in the back of my psyche that's telling me to pursue what I've always wanted to do: study film.

Even in my current occupation I strive to find creative outlets in my work. And in life insurance, there isn't much of the kind of creative opportunities I'm looking for.

So. After spilling the beans to my good friend and neighbor Wally and discussing my options for 2.5 hours, I've decided to finally enroll in some film classes. Just to get my feet wet.

Hopefully I'll start taking classes by January. I'll still maintain my job in the meantime. It's going to be a busy time, but like the half marathon taught me..

It's tough and grueling, but so rewarding in the end.

I hope that will be the case.