Poo'd the Piper


I sure paid the price today.

Because of my recent wisdom teeth extraction, I've been confined to eating soft foods for the past three days. On the first day, I had some porridge and pudding. However, yesterday the Oblongs had a big birthday party with tons of Hawaiian barbeque that I couldn't eat. So instead, I ate a scoop of strawberry ice cream, two cups of pudding, cream of mushroom soup, macaroni salad, and a nice helping of ice cream cake to end the night.

Today at work, my stomach did the blooooooop! while in mid-conversation with a co-worker. I promptly excused myself and bolted to the bathroom where I prayed no one else was doing "the two." Unfortunately someone else was. It was an unavoidable situation however because I had to go no matter what. So I took a seat and endured the burningest liquid shizz I've ever encountered. Ever. Surprisingly I was pretty quiet, but not without random short bursts.

I slowed things down a bit to let the other guy finish up and leave. It was an excruciating waiting game. Wouldn't you know it, the fucker wouldn't leave! He was probably waiting for me to bail, but I held my ground... that is, until someone else joined us... and this guy was a tooter.

At the first sign of an unpleasant Triple Shit, the first guy wrapped up his business and left. And after no signs of winning some privacy, I cleaned up and left. And wouldn't you know it? Just as I was leaving, the tooter cleans up.

Opportunity!

I walked back to my cube and waited around a bit and then returned to a private restroom. I was free. I was relieved. I was in heaven.

Of course, I had to return twice more to actually finish up. And now I walk funny.

But seriously, I cannot handle that much dairy or I'll die of dairy-ria.

And for those who were curious as to how the actual extraction procedure was, it was extremely simple. I was nervous of course, but the surgeon assistants or whatever reassured me that it would be nothing because I was going to be put under. This was my very first time being gassed or shot up with whatever puts you out, so I was scared of how it would be like. The most important thing to me was making sure I was asleep. I didn't want one of those horror stories where the person appears to be asleep, but really isn't and then witnesses everything.

So they took my blood pressure and tried to find a vein to give me the shot, but couldn't find anything. They looked on both arms and finally found a spot on my wrist. The shot was a shot, you know. I mean it hurt, but wasn't anything notable. Then they told me that I'd be asleep in about 30 seconds, so I made sure to keep my eyes wide open-- and suddenly I was in the car on the way back home. Supposedly I said some things in the hour of my life I can't recall, but nothing too embarrassing. I didn't dance with the nurses or anything.

Okay, I'm gonna end this now. Bye!


Pooped,

Ricky
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V for Vicodin


Heyo pokes. I may it. I got pots of gauze in my mouf right now, so palking is kinda hard.

I'm sick of the gauze already, so much. I'm also sick of my lip not functioning. I've been drooling so much that I could fill an Olympic sized pool. Yes folks, that much! But soon I'll be drugged up on some smooth smooth Vicodin and other meds. So if you've ever wanted me to think you were a unicorn from the planet Zebulon, come on over.


Getting rest,

Ricky
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Worker Bee-otches!


On this here little blog of mine, I tend to steer clear of hating on anyone close to my life. For instance, you'll never see me badmouth a family member or a friend or forgotten friend (unless in which case I already have, then you won't see me do it again). It pains me to bury these thoughts, you know? Sometimes I have to just bite my tongue and not blog about something even though I really really want to vent, which sort of means that this blog isn't 100% my honest life. It's a fluff piece because, well, just imagine the consequences if I were to just openly vent about someone close to me.

But people at work? What the hell. I'll talk about them however the frick I want.

Wow, where to start? Well, I think ya'll know that my boss is the coolest guy in the world. He's easy to talk to, friendly, funny, and understanding. Then there are the two or three co-workers who get on my case about using Apple computers. Then there's the guy who is like an older brother to me. We're constantly betting each other to do stupid things and I always lose (a bag of Corn Nuts). And then there's the lady who doesn't like me because I'm coasting through life pretty easily.

But on to the people for whom I've written this blog. We've seen a good number of newbies enter our office space in the past coupla months. One is a very cool nephew of one of my favorite co-workers.

But then there's this one person who has no real sense of office etiquette. This person is very blunt in that whatever comes to mind, it will be said. And trust me, they're idiotic comments that you roll your eyes over. This person is just grating.

But, and I just noticed that I've been using "but" a whole lot, there is one other person that also gets on my last nerve. This other person is smug and has no real sense of humor. This other person, to keep this short, is also grating.

So there you have it. I didn't really "say whatever the hell" I wanted to say about these people, as I didn't write anything that disclosed even their gender. I guess I am afraid that this will get back to one of them somehow. What can I say? I enjoy writing fluff pieces.


Hatin' in silence,

Ricky
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Teef


A week from tomorrow, I will lose 4 IQ points. That's right my friends. I will drink a full gallon of Windex for your snortful amusement.

Not really. Actually I'm finally having my wisdom teeth pulled. yanked. hammered. cracked. extracted by tiny piece after piece. chipmunk cheeks.

All of the above and I'm actually excited about the whole process to be honorary. This will mark my first time having a sorta surgery. I've never had an operation before (even if this is just a lousy oral one). It's kind of exciting.

The oral surgeon said that two of my teeth are definite surgical extractions whereas the other two could be done awake. I was going to ask for the knockout gas anyway because I want this to be the most painless, most pleasant, most polysynthetic, most proficient, most moist experience. I've had exposure to many-o horror stories and that stuff isn't fun. Actually, maybe I do want to have some sort of horror story to blog about. What's so fascinating about saying "I got knocked out and woke up with $4 under my pillow"?

Anyway, it's an interesting time to get this done since there's something to do every weekend this month. While my aunt throws a party for two of my cousins, I'll be feasting on blood-soaked gauze. Mmmm doggie!

But as I said, I'm excited to have this done finally. My mouth is entirely too small for so many sharp teeth and from the looks of my recent x-ray, one of my wisdom teeth is growing horizontally into my other molar. So I'd say this is going to be worth the $666.

Oh, you don't know that story? The ladies at the surgeon's office quoted an estimate on how much I'd have to contribute (versus insurance coverage) and it just so happened that I'll have to pony up $666 on the day of. When she was telling me, it kinda clicked in her head that the number was weird and probably a bad omen. I gave her a nice friendly frightened look, buggy eyes and all, and then reassured her that I wasn't superstitious. just heavily religious. afraid of the devil. terrified of triple digits. cuddly puppies. oven baked.

Freshly baked pookies. Mmmm doggie!

What the hell was all that about?


HOLY MOLARS!

Ricky
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Beelz Day


We survived it! The world didn't come to an end!

I'm speaking of today being 666. Kinda cool. Kinda creepy. Kinda kooky.

Well I spent today trying to track down The Wedding Singer musical soundtrack. Went to Best Buy and they continue to suck major ballage. They didn't even have a video game that every other store has (that I was also looking for). Searched Circuit City, but no dice. Went into Borders and Target, but it was a no go. So I decided to just buy it off Amazon, signed up for a free trial of their expensive Amazon Prime program (free two-day shipping) and will get it on Friday.

I also realized something. I've paid a lot, seriously a ton, of money getting all these soundtracks and music in general ($17 for Wicked, $18 for Urinetown, $20 for BKLYN) and then I turn around and share it with my friends and family. Well, I'm tired of being the only one spending money on these, so if you want music from me, you're gonna have to help pay for it; otherwise you can just pay the full price for the album or get it from some other sucker.

But enough about stuff, I gotta mention that I'm psyched about seeing Cars this Friday. All in all, it's a good week and I can't wait till it's over so all the good stuff will have happened to me already.


All about the green,

Ricky
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Catching Up


No, jury duty didn't claim me. Far from it actually. I didn't even have to report to the courthouse. Like my last summons, my group number was never called, so thus ends another easy jury service.

So here I yam! Stuffage. Yes.

I can't believe it's already summer. Do you realize that this year is just about half over? Wow, and kids are almost out of school, aren't they? June used to be so exciting because it meant the start of summer vacation. But now, well, it's still kinda exciting. Summer means Early Fridays at work and donuts! Yup, just what everyone needs to get beach-ready: fried freakin' glazed dough.

Today was our second Early Friday. I spent the first one in Hollywood getting tickets for a bunch of us to Hairspray (cheap $25 seats!). Today, I spent the extra four hours of the weekend asleep! Seriously, I got home, ate, and crashed on the couch. I'd say that's time well spent.

Speaking of summer, check out how pale I've gotten. I am in dire need of a tan.



We've got stuff planned for the weekend, like seeing Urinetown at UCLA (cheap $7 tickets!). There's also a birthday party for many familiers on Sunday (our family gets together a lot), so that means Metroid Hunters marathon! But first thing's first... HAPPY BERFDAY EM!


June gloomy,

Ricky
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Who Gives a Duty?


Next week, I pay my debt to our fantastic cuntry (what spelling error?) by going to jury duty. This is my third time being summoned and thus far, I've never been selected for a trial.

The first time I received that dreaded pinkish court paper, I was a college student and stupidly enough, they asked me to show up during summer sessions. I thought I was for sure off the hook, being able to just cite that I'm a full-time student. But when I called to be dismissed, the jury duty guy said "Okay you have school. When is your next break?"

I went to the courthouse and sat for 8 hours as they called just about everyone to the jury stand. Finally at the end of the day, after so many dismissals, I was one of the few never called up to be questioned. And that was that. I was off the hook.

The second time I was summoned, my group number was never chosen to go in. So that was nice.

I'm hoping the same thing happens this time around. However if it doesn't and I have to serve, it's okay because I'll get paid for jury duty ($15/day!) and for my regular day job. Every little bit helps toward the purchase of Timotei's and my house... but I shouldn't say too much about that right now, as nothing's final at this point. More to follow down the road.


Fingers crossed,

Ricky
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Dookis


Two things I forgot to mention about New York.

Numbero juan: I met up with Princess Karlita at Serendipity, the restaurant that spawned a movie about drinking frozen chocolate pudding. We chatted about stuff and more stuff and ate some comfort food (we needed the comfort due to the stuff we were chatting about!). I had a sandwich called The Catcher in the Rye. Unfortunately, it did not have the f-word graffitied all over it. And the sandwich wasn't that good either. It turns out that rye bread sucks.

After lunch, we went to Central Park for a stroll through the zoo and chit-chatted on a park bench. Of course, if you know me, you know that I'm a bird dooky magnet. There've been around 6 times or so where I've been pooped on. And yet... strangely enough, these shit hits have all occurred when I was out with my high school friends. Therefore, it's gotta be them who are the bird crap aficionados!

Numbero toes: On the day we saw RENT, I had a Mango-a-Go-Go from Jamba Juice that I slurped down in about 7 minutes; no brain freeze. Right before they opened the theater to begin seating, Samantha Wu had to use the restroom. Instead of braving the theater bathroom crowd, she used the Burger King restroom across the street. When she came back, we were all set to take our seats when my stomach went blurrroooop! Suddenly I needed to take an emergency dump. I ran to the Burger King where there was a line. Legs crossed, butt clenched, I waited for two largish white girls to finish peeing, I presumed. It was a great non-plan on my part. With women going in first, they would have the toilet seat all dry and polished.

I went into the bathroom (a line had begun forming behind me) and found a toilet that would not stop flushing. At first I felt screwed, but realized that this worked to my advantage. The constant flushing would muffle my toots and eliminate splashing. Well, what a dump I took. I fired on all pistons; one of the worst cases of dooks I've ever had. I tried to expel as much as I could before catching up with the others at the theater.

I knew that I'd have to go again during the show. Luckily I had seen RENT so many times, so I knew which parts were the least interesting and planned my trips accordingly. I went twice during the show; once during "On the Street/Santa Fe" and again during "Goodbye Love." I didn't expect anyone in the bathroom during the performance, but when I went in the first time, there was someone else in one of the stalls. I had to go no matter what, so I went as quietly as I could, but immediately let out a loud thfffffwwwwwtttt! I saw the guy-next-to-me's feet leap from surprise and/or disgust and leave as fast as humanly possible.

Needless to say, I stayed away from smoothies and dairy products in general for the rest of the trip.


Poop-si-daisy,

Ricky
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Trippin'


New York was fun. The past two times I went, I came back all buzzing and happy-like, with the feeling that I would love to live there. This time, however, I did not feel as exuberant. I'm not sure what happened on this trip, but I was just really happy to be back home. In fact, I was saying last Thursday about wanting to get back home.

Well all we really did was watch shows and eat. We ate at this hip cafe eatery called... erm... "Eatery." That was a 10 block trek in pouring rain for some quality omelets and waffles. We ate at a nice burger joint called McDonald's. We at expensive chinese food in Chinatown and cheap dumplings and noodles in Flushing. We ate great pizza at a place called Montello's, next to Papaya Dog. And the most expensive meal of them all, we ate at Mesa Grill owned by Iron Chef Bobby Flay.



We also hit up Central Park on a very beautiful day. I forgot to mention that after the two days of intense rain, we had intense niceness the rest of the trip. It was sunny and breezy and nice. It was weird weather because when we left the apartment everyday, it felt like jacket weather, but 23 minutes later, we would realize that it's just short shirt weather. So it was very frustrating at times to have to lug around our jackets; especially since mine is big, fat, and pockety.

Anyway, we went to Central Park and took a stroll. I had never done the top part of Central Park and this trip was no exception. We stayed in the southern section, basically crossing the park to get to The Met.

The Met was as thrilling as ever.







Let's get to the shows. Here are the shows that we saw:

Avenue Q
Timotei and Samantha Wu saw this after winning the lottery on second try. Samantha Wu liked it so much, she went to see it again alone on the day we left.

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Barely anyone did the lottery for this show because it's more than a year old, so we easily got cheap tickets. I thought the show was really funny. Norbert Leo Butz is hilarious as Freddy Benson. I wanted to get Butz to sign my program, but he left through a secret exit or something and eluded me.

RENT
We tried to win tickets to a special 10th anniversary original cast performance of RENT, but so did hundreds of other freaky looking people. Well we didn't win, or if our names were called, we couldn't hear it. But we ended up seeing RENT at a special discounted night for $20.

Regarding RENT, I think I may be over it. After seeing it five times on stage, it just doesn't pack the same punch. I used to like seeing it because it was like a rock concert. But the show just seems a bit stale now. We had a good Mark and Angel, but the Roger was too weird and the Mimi couldn't really sing. And it might have something to do wtih the seats. This was the first time I was sitting int he mezzanine rather than orchestra. The show really needs to be seen from the front row to feel connected. All I know is that I'm done seeing RENT for at least a year or two.



The Wedding Singer
Originally, Timotei and I were the only ones with tickets. We paid $111 each for center orchestra seats. Ellvin Kelvin, Amazing Grace, and Samantha Wu joined us with partial view student rush seats for $26. We all ended up liking it (some more than others). We got pictures with the cast and our programs signed. Besides loving the movie The Wedding Singer, my main reason for seeing the show was the fact that my favorite comedian Stephen Lynch was starring in the Adam Sandler role. I totally geeked out. I saw the show twice more and even got Mr. Lynch to sign my copy of his latest album "The Craig Machine."

Wicked
Saw Wicked with Eden Espinosa (from Brooklyn last year) as Elphaba and she was really awesome. I think she was even better than the original Elphaba. The show was great as always, save for the African American Fiyero who really can't sing.

Tarzan
Here's a show that really sucks! This show takes place mostly in the air, as you might think a musical based on Tarzan would. When they announced they were making a Tarzan show, I thought of all the possibilities of Cirque du Soleil type aerial dancing between Tarzan and Jane. What did we get instead? Apes jumping around on bungees. The show wastes all opportunities for great aerial acts. The new songs that Phil Collins wrote add nothing to the show (one of the new songs is nice, but comes out of left field; appropriate I guess since Jane is lowered on a flower swing for no reason during the song). The cast is really good, but are wasting their talent on a bad production. They also ruined the story by trying to flesh things out, which seems impossible but they did it. They added unnecessary plot (the fate of Kerchak's parents) and by doing so, eliminated important parts (Kerchak accepting Tarzan as his son). The big Clayton scheme is a full 2 minutes of the show and is resolved in literally 5 seconds. The ending is horrid. The sets (or lack thereof) are plain and boring. You stare at green strings the entire show. And wait till you see the giant spider! This show is bad. Expect to read bad reviews when it officially opens May 10. This show is unsalvageable.

Okay, enough about the shows. I was actually starting to get sick of seeing them. I'm sure I have many stories about what happened in New York, but I can't remember them. There was the thing with Harry Connick Jr....

We were walking to get ice cream and saw a crowd waiting near a stage door. We found that people were waiting for Harry Connick Jr. to come out. Samantha Wu wanted a picture, but right before he came out, his bodyguards said "No photos!" So I took her camera and took video of him coming by. The bodyguards tried to get in my shot, but I assured them that it was not a picture. What were they gonna do anyway? Who cares.

Anyway, days later, we were walking back from a show and saw a man sitting alone on the side of a building dialing on his cell phone. Turns out it was Mr. Connick Jr. himself. Instead of bug him about taking a picture (since he was on his cell and because he's so sensitive about photos), I just told him to have a good night as we passed. He looked up and gave us a nod and that was that. I should have kicked his ass for cheating on Grace Adler.

Okay I'm tired of writing this. But before I go, let me leave you with this artwork from The Met of a lion who is freaked out by something...




Meow!

Ricky
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Back in Action


I'm back from my somewhat stressful vacation in New York. Yes, I had fun and really enjoyed seeing seven shows (well, maybe 5 of them) and meeting my favorite comedian and eating at a famous chef's restaurant and saying "what's up" to an emaciated actor... but in all honesty, I'm glad to be back. Yeah, I got sick, but it's just nice to kick back at home and actually relax. At New York, I feel constant pressure to be doing something and if I don't, then I feel it's a wasted time.

But anyway, I have to gather all the photos we took from Samantha Wu, Amazing Grace, and Timotei for a true-to-force trip report. Until I get those pictures, I can't write up anything.

I can say this though. This is my 250th blog entry! Awesome!


Back in the dumpster,

Ricky
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