Angel Wing Jasmine Gets Traditional
(Part Two of The Bollywood Bride Trilogy)

Given that I spent the night at Erico Suave and MacArthur's place on the night before the wedding in order to catch a ride to the airport, natch Erico Suave and I caught up on fun times, reminisced of Walt Disney World trips past, and remembered old jokes from DVR'ed Simpsons episodes (SHUT UP BECKY!). That's fine and fun and all, but it left us with three measly hours of sleep.

So given our rush to the airport and then extreme rush to get to Martinez City Hall in under 50 minutes, we were just a little exhausted that day.

When we got to the hotel in Concord, given our day thus far, saying we were tired as fuck would be an understatement. We were tired as all holy pap smear fuck! Basically, we needed to reenergize. And since we didn't know where the nearest Starbucks was, we had to kick it in all old school style and do this thing called sleep. It's very strange nowadays, but if it was good enough for our Founding Fathers, then we supposed it was okay for us (and they was racists!).

Now I forgot to tell you that we had told Angel Wing Jasmine's mother that we would arrive at the dinner reception early for tea. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. Given that the party started at 5:00 PM and that we sort of awoke at 5:00 PM, it would have been damn near impossible to keep our word. And then there had to be traffic and then getting lost on Deer Valley Road. We were almost the last ones to arrive. But given that we were forgiven, uh, yeah, we were forgiven. I think it was because we had gifts to bear.

But we were only fashionably late because the food had barely begun surfacing. But when it did, yippee ay ki yay mother folger! I ates me some samosas with chutney, tandoori chicken, fried eyeball looking things, cheese and curry, nan, and some spinach that frankly tasted like ashtray to me. But everything else was very very good!

Oh where are my manners. I haven't talked about the best part. Angel Wing Jasmine's getup! She was adorable! She was inspiring! She was Indian! Even Coxsmith and his family were all dressed up. It was as if Diwali ejaculated on my eyeballs - it was THAT cultured! CAN I SAY THAT??? Who cares! I'll say it again: CULTURED!!!


Yes, even that little bastard Pyong crashed the party. I'm sure he'll chime in soon with his stupid take on the events that transpired.

After a fun tour of the house and through Angel Wing Jasmine's childhood (did you know she used to play a giant guitar thing), some CostCo cake (they've really come a long way), and some Indian freakstyle-dancing (screw the lightbulb/pet the cat), we sped off through the night and back to the hotel.

It was a great night and great to see Angel Wing Jasmine feel so uncomfortably neck deep in culture. I almost wished that I had my own tunic thing to wear. We all have to suffer through the humiliations of our heritage sometimes. Like there was this time when I was in a variety show in middle school and I had to do this incredibly racist song in a thick Chinese accent. It was incredibly offensive and disgraceful, but the audience ROAR'ED! Seriously I sold out my culture for some cheap applause.

And loved every minute of it.


Next up: Angel Wing Jasmine throws a shrimp on the barbie... and hates it!


Hoping to Ganesh that Angel Wing Jasmine's parents aren't reading this right now. If so, I'M SO SARI! PUNS!

Ricky

Angel Wing Jasmine Gets Awkward
(Part One of The Bollywood Bride Trilogy)

It happened! Angel Wing Jasmine popped the question. "Does being married get less awkward after a while?"

I just returned from the marriage of Coxsmith and Angel Wing Jasmine which took place in three California towns: Martinez, Brentwood, and Rio Vista. Was it cool? Hell, I had fun. Was it the most unique wedding I've ever been to? Saying "yes" would be an understatement.

Angel Wing Jasmine is very much apathetic on the whole wedding ceremony crapfest. She's not one to care for a traditional churchy event or even a backyard spectacle in front of a huge crowd. I very much believe that she wanted just the required witness to oversee a signing of the marriage license at City Hall.

But, as we all learned together, City Hall marriages are very much regular marriage ceremonies -- albeit without the prayers, kneeling and unkneeling, organ music, wedding party, nor anything else that resembles a regular wedding.

When MacArthur, Erico Suave, and I arrived at the Martinez City Hall, we found Angel Wing Jasmine holding a small bouquet, dressed in a new pair of blue jeans and a black sweater with hood. Coxsmith had on a blue button down shirt with boutonnière tucked into the front left pocket. Everyone else (the groom's and bride's families, the best man, me) were dressed formal-like.

Angel Wing Jasmine did not enjoy the bouquet that was given to her. As her best friend, and by default her Made of Honor, I was tasked to hold onto the bouquet, which I believe I held longer than she.

Anyway, we went into the building, passed voter registration forms and testing centers, to a waiting room corner serving two wedding chambers. A wedding was currently in session, so we waited diligently. When the wedding ahead of us finished, the Judge popped out of Wedding Chamber A and led us into Wedding Chamber B. Inside were a few chairs and a podium. The Judge took his place behind the podium, CS and AWJ stood before him, and the guests occupied the chairs. But we were encouraged by the Judge to stand anywhere we wanted in order to take pictures, even offering to stand aside if we wanted to snap shots at the podium.



It was quite the ceremony; felt 100% improv'ed and unrehearsed. The happy couple could not keep a straight face during the entire occasion. I watched as they both flubbed their wedding vows. It was cute when AWJ crammed the wedding band on CS's left ring finger. A fly buzzing around their heads maintained the romantic mood. And when it was time to kiss the bride, AWJ faked CS out and allowed him a cheekside peck. We learned later that AWJ feels awkward kissing in front of her parents.



But really, it's refreshing to see such a barebones wedding. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy weddings that are spectacles. It just seems like the right thing to do, you know? It's a wedding, so socially speaking, it should be a huge grand event. But let's face it, weddings are frequently overly long and yawn-inducing. Here, even though the show wasn't flashy and big, you could see that what it came down to was that these two love each other and don't need a huge thing to prove it. Without making a huge deal, they just wanted to be husband and wife. It was quick, painless, and honestly, a hoot.



Next up: Angel Wing Jasmine dons a traditional garb... and hates it!


Relieved that AWJ is currently on her honeymoon because when she finds out I labeled her "The Bollywood Bride," she will murder me,

Ricky

Angel Wing Jasmine's Last Week as a Hot and Sexy Single

Here we go, into the final week of Angel Wing Jasmine's singularity. She will be married to Coxsmith this Friday, and not some fake Indian religious wedding or anything, but an honest to Glob signed marriage certificate affair!

Erico Suave, MacArthur, and I will be flying out on the morning of and hopefully make it in time for the certificate signing. But we will definitely make it for the Indian dinner featuring my favorite Indian cuisine: samosas and chutney!

We'll be there the entire weekend, so Martinez, California better watch the F out! We be gonna tear up the joint yo.

In other news, Alaska now blows because Sarah Palin sucks.


Being political and stuff,

Ricky

The Hollywood Directive

greetings friends

it is i pyong once more

my programming tells me that i am feeling neglected

my adopter rickyroutes has abandoned me on a shelf

last week he visited a magical castle and left me alone

i stowed away in his transport vehicle

i witnessed a tyrannosaurus rex eating a clock

a grand chinese mansion

the magical castle itself

i was not allowed admittance into the castle

. . .

perhaps the next time

end transmission

Castle Crashers

On August 28th, Timotei and I, along with six other co-workers, went to the historic members-only Magic Castle. If you're like me and have never heard of it till now, it's a place where magicians mingle with other magicians and test out their tricks. So there are a bunch of different shows (large acts, small acts, close-up slight of hand magic) that guests can attend. You are also required to buy a meal.

We got the dinner out of the way first. You are required to order a minimum of $15, but don't worry because everything on the menu is at least $30. I had the market fresh fish special which was orange roughy with baby carrots. It was kind of small, but incredibly good. I also had a glass of Napa Valley red wine to go with my meal. I hate wine, but this wine was drinkable. It smelled of fruit punch and tasted of not-so-horrible.

And so after feeling a little tipsy, a little goofy, we headed off to our first show. It was a famed international magician by the name of David Goldrake. He performed a mind reading trick and a perfume smelling trick, but the coolest thing was his escape from a straight jacket. It was the same as every other magicians S-jacket trick except that I was the lovely assistant that strapped him into the jacket. It was pretty cool.

The next show was a bit of a letdown. It was considered the "bigger" show and required a ticket to get in. It had magicians by the names of Kerry Pollock, David Kaplan, and Aaron Radatz. I enjoyed the dry comedic stylings of David Kaplan. His tricks were amusing and his non-speaking everything-goes-wrong routine was pretty funny and entertaining. However, the other guys felt like amateurs. All of their tricks I had seen elsewhere, but better.


After wandering around the castle for a bit and requesting a song from Irma, the piano playing ghost, we went to our last show of the evening in the Close-Up Gallery. There we saw Ivan Amodei who was by far the best entertainer of the night. He did some amazing magic with cards and cue balls and wand tips, all the while being quick witted and hilarious. I hope to see more of this guy in the future on TV because he was really great.

Anyway, it was definitely a cool experience and I can't wait to go again.


Presto,

Ricky

Meet Pyong: The Alaska Directive

greetings friends

my name is pyong galactico

i was assembled in germany

i was recently activated on 8/8/8 by ricky routes in skagway

i will follow him on his many travels

i will bring you photographic proof of my visits

i look forward to presenting you with such data

i had a great time touring alaska and canada

i was fortunate to visit the following places

the margerie glacier in glacier bay

the empress hotel in victoria

the ballard locks in seattle washington

end transmission

I'm a Cube!

My co-worker told me that. She is a self-proclaimed math geek and she has the shirt to prove it.

But enough about other people. Let's talk about me, baby. I am the big fat twentyseven. That... is a higher number than last time. But at this point another year is nothing to fret about. Of course, that is until I turn the dreaded 30 and I take that leap right over a cliff. I kid!

In all honesty, this was a very good birthday. With my succumbing to Facebook, I received a shiiteload of birthday wishes from so many friends, many of which I have not seen nor spoken to in years. I also claimed me a free burger at Red Robin and the workers sang to me. I also had lunch at California Kabob Kitchen. We found out that our favorite cook down in the cafeteria, who was fired for being outspoken, got her job back after months of protests and demonstrations. I had peach pie and Summer Peach Pie ice cream with my department. And gifts have started to trickle in! From Mr. Mikey and his lady friend, I got two Playstation 3 games (Call of Duty 4 and Dark Sector) and a Wii shirt. From Angel Wing Jasmine, I received the Wii game Boom Blox and The Art of WALL•E book. From Catwoman, I received a nice Starbucks gift card.

So all in all, it was a very good day.


No longer square,

Ricky

Alaska, At Last

I've decided that this will be a photo essay. So please enjoy!

Standing on the top of the world... well, the Space Needle isn't actually THAT tall.


We got free champagne for the disembarkation. I hate any sort of alcohol I have to sip, so I downed it.


The wind was so strong on the top deck. Agents K and J lean out and let it hold them up.


Formal night!


We canoed on our stop over in Juneau to...


...the Mendenhall Glacier!


In Skagway (or as the locals spell it "Skaguay"), Ellvin Kelvin, Amazing Grace, and I went for a 5 mile ride through a rainforest. We saw a Grizzly!


In Skagway, there is a small pink store called Sugar Mama's with, and I'm not exaggerating, THE GREATEST BESTEST BOMBEST CUPCAKES IN THE GODDAMN WORLD!!!!!!


With me mammy and pappy at the butt of the ship.


Jumping for joy over wise ice in Glacier Bay!


A big group of us went ziplining in Ketchikan! Here I am traversing one of three suspension bridges!


Is this racist, what we're doing here?


We hit the town... in blue!


Cat, Amazing Grace, and M.E.G. showcase the food chain. The helpless moose falls prey to the smiling wolf who in turn gets eaten by the brutal black bear.


Mi familia in frente de a tree in Victoria, Canada, B.C.


Jumping for joy over tea and crumpets at The Empress Hotel. Empressive air!


Dining on the Veranda. Bison burger... so good!


Free Willy... or Shamu... or Keiko... or whatever the hell this one's called. Get the hell outta here orca.


OK, you'll want to zoom in on this photo. On the day before our flight, a co-worker and I were randomly Googling our names. I found that www.RichardMar.com exists and is owned by a hair styling school based out of Victoria! I could not believe it. I was fated to visit. I took down the address, but forgot it at work. While in Victoria, we were just about ready to head back to the ship when we ran into Lee Leman and Cousin Spacey and they asked if I had ever heard of the Richard Mar Advanced School of Hairstyling and Esthetics. I shat my pants, couldn't believe I forgot, was told that it was only 4 or so blocks away, and with R-Man, ran there. Too bad they were closed. Maybe they could have botched a haircut for me or else I could have taught them a thing or two about esthetics.


So to conclude, the cruise was really fun. We can't wait till the next one. Peace out!


Short and sweet, just like this entry,

Ricky

Alaska and You Shall Receive

Hmm, it's been a week since we've returned from Alaska and not yet a peep (unless you've seen my Facebook which saw a status change).

And well, here's your peep, but you won't get much more than this at this time. I just haven't nor currently have the time to post a bunch of pictures or post some summaries.

This week had me scrambling to book a flight, hotel, and rental car for Angel Wing Jasmine's big day! Her wedding is fast approaching and I've yet to get a wedding gift! Sheebus!

I also have plans to edit together a music video of Alaska and videos in general of our excursions. Look for those, but don't hold your breath. I really hope to get to it though.

Meanwhile, am I the only one in America who can't stand having Michael Phelps jammed down our throats? So he's America's only hope at anything this Olympics, but Jebus, stop covering everything about him from his diet to his overbite. I'm over it.


Moody,

Ricky

Cruise Control

And like that, it's time to set my brain on cruise control and go on vacation! It's been a while and I really need it.

This Alaskan cruise getaway came by way faster than I expected. We're flying into Seattle in about an hour, meeting up with the rest of the family, grabbing some lunch at the Space Needle, then for a *haunted* Underground Tour, and then to the main event with the rest rest of the family.

Unfortunately internet on the ship costs a friggen' arm and a leg, so I will be ceasing transmission of my life for now and will broadcast fully right after we return to land; with pictures I swear!

Alright, you people enjoy earthquake city while we lounge on the wise ice of Alaska!


Rattled,

Ricky