Thursday, September 25, 2008

Angel Wing Jasmine Gets Traditional
(Part Two of The Bollywood Bride Trilogy)

Given that I spent the night at Erico Suave and MacArthur's place on the night before the wedding in order to catch a ride to the airport, natch Erico Suave and I caught up on fun times, reminisced of Walt Disney World trips past, and remembered old jokes from DVR'ed Simpsons episodes (SHUT UP BECKY!). That's fine and fun and all, but it left us with three measly hours of sleep.

So given our rush to the airport and then extreme rush to get to Martinez City Hall in under 50 minutes, we were just a little exhausted that day.

When we got to the hotel in Concord, given our day thus far, saying we were tired as fuck would be an understatement. We were tired as all holy pap smear fuck! Basically, we needed to reenergize. And since we didn't know where the nearest Starbucks was, we had to kick it in all old school style and do this thing called sleep. It's very strange nowadays, but if it was good enough for our Founding Fathers, then we supposed it was okay for us (and they was racists!).

Now I forgot to tell you that we had told Angel Wing Jasmine's mother that we would arrive at the dinner reception early for tea. Yeah, that didn't work out so well. Given that the party started at 5:00 PM and that we sort of awoke at 5:00 PM, it would have been damn near impossible to keep our word. And then there had to be traffic and then getting lost on Deer Valley Road. We were almost the last ones to arrive. But given that we were forgiven, uh, yeah, we were forgiven. I think it was because we had gifts to bear.

But we were only fashionably late because the food had barely begun surfacing. But when it did, yippee ay ki yay mother folger! I ates me some samosas with chutney, tandoori chicken, fried eyeball looking things, cheese and curry, nan, and some spinach that frankly tasted like ashtray to me. But everything else was very very good!

Oh where are my manners. I haven't talked about the best part. Angel Wing Jasmine's getup! She was adorable! She was inspiring! She was Indian! Even Coxsmith and his family were all dressed up. It was as if Diwali ejaculated on my eyeballs - it was THAT cultured! CAN I SAY THAT??? Who cares! I'll say it again: CULTURED!!!

Yes, even that little bastard Pyong crashed the party. I'm sure he'll chime in soon with his stupid take on the events that transpired.

After a fun tour of the house and through Angel Wing Jasmine's childhood (did you know she used to play a giant guitar thing), some CostCo cake (they've really come a long way), and some Indian freakstyle-dancing (screw the lightbulb/pet the cat), we sped off through the night and back to the hotel.

It was a great night and great to see Angel Wing Jasmine feel so uncomfortably neck deep in culture. I almost wished that I had my own tunic thing to wear. We all have to suffer through the humiliations of our heritage sometimes. Like there was this time when I was in a variety show in middle school and I had to do this incredibly racist song in a thick Chinese accent. It was incredibly offensive and disgraceful, but the audience ROAR'ED! Seriously I sold out my culture for some cheap applause.

And loved every minute of it.

Next up: Angel Wing Jasmine throws a shrimp on the barbie... and hates it!

Hoping to Ganesh that Angel Wing Jasmine's parents aren't reading this right now. If so, I'M SO SARI! PUNS!