Monday, August 22, 2011

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick..


It's finally happened. I'm no longer a 20-something. I've entered my 30's; or as many would put it, my dirty flirty herty gerty thirties.

But am I freaking out? Not really, no. Although I feel like I missed out on a lot of my twenties, I intend on making up for it plenty in my thirties.

But I feel like I'm exactly where I want to be right now in my life. I recently got a promotion at work from Competitive Analyst to Product Support Director. And of course earlier this year I made the big and necessary move to Hollywood. So, new job, new home, new friends, new nightlife, new haircut (kinda); new start! Hoping to add a new relationship sometime soon..

But first. I have to run a damn half marathon. Damn. That's in two weeks.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Hardest Thing I Ever Did

Normally a title like that, when uttered, would yield a quick "That's what she said!" But this post is serious.

So December of 2009 rolled around and in fly Ellvin and Grace. Their arrival marked the "no turning back now" point. They were really here for my Uncle Arthur's wedding, but also to provide me with the support they promised.

And so on December 4, 2009, after a home-cooked Taiwanese style hot pot dinner, I locked myself in my room. I was gathering the courage to bring up the inevitable. After several visits from Grace to tell me that it would be all right, we formulated a plan. She had some wedding pictures that she wanted to show my parents, so we used those to get them to the table. The only problem was my mom was feeling under the weather and already went to bed. So, selfishly, I woke her up and told her that Grace had some photos and we were looking over them at the dinner table. She got up and met up with us downstairs.

So my parents were at the table flipping through the photos. Ellvin was sitting across from me giving me weird "I know what's about to happen" eyes. Grace was to my left. Tim was passed out on the couch, but there in spirit. And finally, allowing the wealth of support to wash over me and give me the courage to open up.. this secret I'd been keeping from my parents for my entire life.. I spat out, "Mom, Dad, I need to tell you something."

My mom set down the pictures and both parents looked at me in alarm. Anything that starts like that, in that tone, with that shaky of a voice, is serious.

I then proceeded with the speech I had laid out for months: Obama's great "How I am going to come out to my parents" speech.

"I just need to tell you guys that I'm gay." Breathe.

My dad's eyebrows went up skyhigh.

"This is something I've known for a long time now. I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with me. It wasn't anything you did. It's just who I am. And I hope you can accept me."

Grace's hand fell to my shoulder as I started to tear up. My mom's eyes rolled back, clearly annoyed. She said "Not this again." My dad looked away briefly processing what his son had just told him, but then returned his gaze. He stared at me, not saying a word; just analyzing me as if searching for his son; who was this person in front of him?

Then my mom blurted out what I was afraid of. She said "Well you told me years ago but I didn't say anything to your father like you said."

My dad was taken aback. How come he was the last to know? I'm sure it hurt him. "You knew?" he asked.

I intervened, "You were the hardest person to tell this to. I'm sorry."


Grace broke the awkwardness around the table. She offered up some comfort about how she has many gay friends and that it's not a choice.

My mom then said, "Well, I'm okay with it. What else can I say?"

We started chatting around the table about the usual; signs that I was gay and what not. My mom even offered up some family history of someone who was probably gay, which was news to me. I guess they don't talk about that ancestor much.

My dad at this point still had not said anything. I was hoping that the conversation around the table would help him deal with the news. Late into the night he had this to say:

"Well I still love you. You're my son and I'll never stop loving you. I need time to let this sink in. I'm going to bed."

He then gave me a hug and went off to bed. We all decided to call it a night. Then in walked Tim, ready to provide support! Hahaha.

So even though some things were left in the air, I cannot tell you how soundly I slept that night. It was an amazing feeling getting everything out in the open like that. It's quite a triumph. Chances are I'll never have to do anything that painfully difficult again.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

iPhone Phone Home

I went back to my blog posts from 2009 and it looks like I never blogged about my iPhone 3GS. How is that possible?

Well in any case, never you mind that I had an iPhone 3GS at all because it's gone. Effing crap dude. This is the first time I've lost a phone and it had to be the iPhone!

Not that I want to remember this low point in my life, but I lost it dancing at the Abbey in West Hollywood. And I got a bruised lip to boot..

I'm using an old phone while I wait for the new iPhone to come out in two months. But seriously, once you go iPhone, you can't go back. This old Samsung Blackjack SUCKS! Winblows Mobile SUCKS!

But I'll deal.

Since I took this little break from my coming out story, I should also say that I've been doing a LOT of planning and decorating for my huge 30th birthday party. It's Harry Potter themed! I'm hoping to have my coming out stuff wrapped up by the 22nd so that I can just look forward to the future!


Saturday, August 06, 2011

The U.S. Opening Up

Ellvin and Grace's wedding came quickly. And by this time Eric and Arthur had already taken me to my first gay club (Executive Suite in Long Beach) and my first gay pride (Long Beach Gay Pride). So I'm already getting comfortable in my own skin; no longer having to pretend to be unlike myself.

The wedding was beautiful and I knew I didn't want to steal or possibly put a damper on it, so I decided to wait till after to spill the beans. One night we went out in the city for karaoke and I tried to tell them there, but we had cousins tag along, so I refrained.

But the next day, we went to the U.S. Open to watch some big name tennis matches. We were with both my parents and Grace's parents. So I was looking for an opening where I would have Grace and Ellvin alone. Lunch came around where tables were hard to come by, so it just so happened that the parents and the kids had to sit at separate tables across a huge dining area.

Realizing that this was the best and possibly only time to do it, I tried to spit out the words during lunch. But all I could do was rub my hands together and stare off into space. While we were wrapping up lunch, I stopped Grace and Ellvin from getting up and told them, "I.. need to tell you guys that.. I'm gay. And I hope that's okay..?" My voice was as shaky as ever.

Grace's reaction was this: "Is that all? Of course that's okay!"

And then I started crying.

I started dishing about how hard things have been and the internal struggle and how I came out to Tim. Meanwhile, Ellvin still had not said anything. And I couldn't tell what he was thinking because he was wearing reflective sunglasses.

But after I was done blabbering about the usual gay coming-out stuff and still crying, Ellvin gave me a hug and I could see tears rolling down his face from under his sunglasses.

They told me that they would help support me when I told my folks. I said that I was going to try to tell them soon, but if I can't muster up the courage, then my absolute deadline would be Christmastime when Ellvin and Grace would be back in California at my side.

And even though I wanted to out myself to my parents as soon as possible, knowing that Ellvin and Grace and Tim would be there for me at Christmas was too perfect a scenario to pass up. And so I waited..