Sunday, February 26, 2006

When I Grow Up

Yes, I know there was this huge gap between my last blog and this (I think I missed two Saturdays), but [enter excuse here].

Actually I do have a valid excuse. I've been sick... a-freakin-gain. I had to miss a day of work last week when it was bad. I think it's just a cold, but I'm such a baby when it comes to headaches and sore throats and mucus and clogged ears and schtuff. I should be fully over it by Tuesday though.

Anyway, I was watching this MTV show "True Life" yesterday and they were talking about competitive eaters. It seems like the ones that do the best in these eating contests are the skinny/fit ones, which struck me as odd. But whatever the case, I've decided to pursue a career as a competitive eater!

Let's see... all I have to do is eat 22 pounds of noodles every other night. I already eat 1/22 of that!

Okay, I'll probably never become a hot dog eating champion (maybe a CostCo polish dog champ). Actually watching those people eat so much makes me sick. It's not normal.

Speaking of athletes (we weren't, but I needed a segue), I'm so glad the Winter Olympics are ending. About the only person I cared to root for was Michelle Kwan and since she dropped out, I've been dreading its two week run. Two weeks meant lack of the few NBC shows I watch; namely Scrubs, Earl, and The Office. So having them back next week will be a breath of fresh air.

Next week also brings Ellvin Kelvin and his girlfriend (I'm not sure at the moment if I made a Routes identity for her). They'll be here for their Spring break where they'll hit up Disneyland and Magic Mountain and CURRY HOUSE. Then they'll high tail it to Seattle for a few days. Not sure what's in Seattle. Sounds kinda backwoodsy to me.

So because they're coming over, we've been cleaning house like mad women with black diaries. I'm finding it easier to throw away stuff. Things that I found valuable as keepsakes years ago find their way to the trash in a split second. And it feels good, you know? Years ago we had rats running around the house. I cleaned out some dresser drawers and found some old rat poop! Freakin' nasty.

Okay, that seems a little too much information. So let's leave it here.

Hacking up a loogie,


Saturday, February 11, 2006

FedUp With FedEx

I'm suprised at how well the name FedEx lends itself to being hated, as evidenced in the title. Also, this blog contains massive amounts of swearing and the act of getting things off my chest.

FUCKIN' FedEx! They were to deliver my new software today, of all days, a glorious Saturday when I'm actually home to sign for the package and what happens??? They come at 9:34am, while I was awake, but I hear no doorbell or knocking. Abso-fuckin-lutely nothing. The package needs a signature upon delivery and the next time they'll try is on Tuesday. Well fuckin' shit on me ya damn bastards. Thanks a fuckin' lot. Now I'm screwed. Don't even try on Tuesday or Wednesday because no one's gonna be home. Maybe I should hire a maid for the day just to sign for my fuckin' package.

Oh yeah, and I called FedEx to ask them about delivering next weekend, but I got routed to some guy in Texas who couldn't speak fuckin' clear English! What the hell??? How come I couldn't understand a goddamn word he was saying!!?! Probably because he has a fourth grade education, likes to be impaled in the butt by bulls, and voted for Bush.


Well, if anyone has dealt with something like this with FedEx before, let me know what you did after the "Final [Delivery] Attempt." I managed to understand the Texan guy say that the package is held for ten days at their facility before it's shipped back to the deliverer, but what the hell can I do about that? Can I go to the facility to just pick it up myself? Goddamn, I fuckin' wish.

Making up clever alliterations: Fuck FedEx for fuckin' fuck fuck fuckity fuck shit.


Friday, February 10, 2006

Ricky Routine


We're well into February and not so much as a peep from me. I'm going through a bit of writer's block. I keep racking my brain trying to find something worthwhile to blog about, but nothing seems to be going on. Is this the result of my work routine?

Every morning, I wake up at 5:30am, shower, get dressed, get to the train station. Then on the train, I fire up the Nintendo DS and do my Animal Crossing chores; find fossils, pull weeds, drink java with pigeon milk, assemble snowman. When we arrive at Union Station, I walk to the bus, ride to my work building, get breakfast; breakfast burritos, omelets, or waffles. Then I hunker down in my cubicle for eight lovely hours of software testing, answering the phone, and other fun stuff. After work, it's the train homebound, dinner, TV shows, and perhaps the gym. That's about it.

And there we go. That's the most interesting thing I could think up to blog about. Hopefully things will pick up soon. I think we have some sort of party to attend. At least I'd have a picture to post. Something to keep this thing interesting.

Mmm, Go-Gurt good,