Friday, January 30, 2009

Two Weeks Ago

--Cue Lost flashback noise--

So quickly does two weeks fly. Ellvin Kelvin and Amazing Grace came to town and my oh my, lots happened.

When they came back, we threw a party at our house. We had Hawaiian food, tofu, and veggies. And for dessert, fudgecicles! And oh all the Rock Band we played that night. I think they really enjoyed it.

The next few days, the happy couple did their own thing while Timotei and I went to work. But Friday morning brought about our trip to Mammoth for some snowboarding.

As I mentioned last time, this was my first time snowboarding since my embarrassing snowboard incident that everyone knows about. What's that? I've never actually blogged about that incident? Let's make this quick:

It was back in 2002; winter break when I was still in college. Last documented in my "The Mammoth Prophecies" Route, I attempted to snowboard because everyone was doing it. So I was thrown up on the mountain and told to stay on my heels and I'm good. Well, I wasn't good. Ski lifts were a bitch to get off of and I was falling on my knees and face every seven seconds. Having had enough during a blue intermediate run and able to see the end just out of reach, I unbounded my feet and trekked down the mountain. Even though the walk was a lot longer than I had anticipated, it was still less painful than if I had attempted to falling leaf it down.

So I was never able to live that down and I never wanted to hit the slopes again. But one week ago, I was given the opportunity to prove myself. But I was going to do it right this time. Amazing Grace and I took a three hour adult snowboarding class. I wanted to know if it was just me sucking at another sport or something else.

Lo-and-behold I caught on! It was tough at first, and throughout the day I still fell flat on my face, ass, and knees, but at the attempt to carve! I was carving down the mountain (in short bursts, but carving none the less). Snowboarding was great and I want to go every season now.

The second big event was Disneyland the very next day after we got back from Mammoth. K-mart and Erico Suave got us into the parks. The thing that sucks about going in the off-season is the illusion that the parks are bare ass empty. While the parks do have less crowds, the parks also hire less workers for the rides. So ride capacity was down which created lines for some rides that never have lines (not even in the summer). I'm looking at you Star Tours and Tower of Terror!

We ended the night with Fantasmic! with kick-ass seats thanks to Lethal Lisa and Mother Routes saving space for us. It was exhausting going through both Disneyland and Disney's California Adventure in 10 hours, but we did just about everything we wanted to do. It was just hectic as hell.

Oh and by the way, Ellvin Kelvin proposed to Amazing Grace. But you will have to wait till next time to hear about that!

Did she or didn't she???


Monday, January 19, 2009

Wow! I Got Shammed!

Well, I haven't exactly tried the ShamWow yet (very seldom does soda land on the carpet), but one thing is clear, this product is not the real ShamWow! Farghhh!

I unrolled one of the sets in my possession and noticed that the only thing printed on them is "Made in Germany; 100% Rayon." I know for a fact, because a co-worker showed me his set, that the true ShamWows have the ShamWow logos on them.

Even though they're an imitation, they still feel like the real thing. My only concern right now is if they used a real ShamWow for the demonstration and sold their fake one. If these shammies don't work as described, I might have to shut that cart down. Unethical business practice man, selling an imitation as the real thing.


Initiating tests,

Ripped Off

Saturday, January 17, 2009

A ShamSucker Born Every Minute

After 36,208 viewings of the infomercial, I finally caved in and bought a ShamWow set. That's four towels total; one for the house, the car, the boat, the RV.

In a few days I will blog about my experience with the ShamWow, but so far it has done an admirable job soaking up my $20.

But ya'll need to watch the infomercial done in front of your eyes. I saw a live demonstration at The Block in Orange and, dagnabbit, I challenge anyone to resist its charm.

But we shall soon see.

Shopping QVC,


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Good Times; Good Eats; Getting Fat

It's a good time right now. Scrubs is back for a supposed final season (and it is really good) and Lost is almost back!!! Erico Suave, MacArthur, The Coxsmiths, and I just booked our flights to Orlando for our Spring Attractioning in Walt Disney World! Also Ellvin Kelvin is coming back in a few days with Amazing Grace. We are going to go snowboarding (first time since my infamous walk-down-the-mountain of shame) and visit Disneyland.

But there's always a catch. Usually by this time each year, I shed my extra holiday poundage. Not so much this year. I'm still a bloated cow. I went from being extra skinny with the help of P90X, but Thanksgiving, Las Vegas, and Christmas interrupted my 90 days and now I'm as big as ever.

Well I'm trying to put a stop to it. As I may have mentioned, we are going to visit a water park in Florida this year. That means I've got to get my six pack back in T-minus three months. Shit. You'd think I'd stop eating so much, but no.

Maybe I'll just wear a stylish shawl around my waist at all times.



Monday, January 05, 2009

Sans Soul

It's 2009 and that usually means "New Year - New You."

But I'm facing something terribly disturbing at the moment. I am finding that I think my soul is dissolving. What brought this thought on actually happened months ago, but only now did I put together the pieces.

What happened?

I was in the shower running down my third bar of Lever 2000 when it occurred to me to combine the three worn down mini-bars into one normal sized one. I took the three pieces into my hand and compressed them tightly, like Superman turning coal into diamonds. However, no matter how tightly I crushed them in my hand, they would not meld into one. When I was younger, merging two soap pieces was such an easy occurrence, but now it seems like such an impossible phenomenon.

Which brings me to my only logical conclusion: I no longer have a soul. It's the only explanation for not having the warmth in my palms to form new life (by which I do mean the soap).

You may think I'm full of crap, but there is just no other reasoning for it. Please pray for me.

Taking me not so seriously,


Thursday, January 01, 2009


You can try all you want to find the hidden meaning behind this entry's title, but you ain't gonna find nothin' significante.

To be honest, I'm just a big "In The Heights" freak.

I'm sitting here at this moment watching the Rose Parade. It's the first time in a long while since I've watched it live or even cared to watch it in general. I'm so glad that this parade is still a great big deal for people. It's such a nice parade with a great gimmick; floats covered in organic material.

I watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade earlier this year and while I enjoyed it, giant balloons isn't as exciting as animated floats covered in flowers. That might have sounded sarcastic, but I'm dead serious. I'm really enjoying this parade. It must be due to my older age because it's actually bringing me delight.

Well, we rang in the new year playing Rock Band 2 and drinking J Cuvee Brut 20. But this time, the champagne tasted.......................................... different. I'm just not so sure about it anymore. Maybe it wasn't chilled long enough, but it had a plasticky taste this time around. And it wasn't as appley as I remembered. So, I think I'm back to Martinelli's Sparkling Cider and hard liquor shots.

Everyone have a safe new year. Hopefully this year will prove better than last year with Obama at the helm. DON'T TEXT AND DRIVE!

Stopping to smell the roses,