Friday, May 21, 2004

The Season of Four Craps

Ev'ry so often there comes a blog that no one wants to read.

Welcome to that blog.

I don't know what it was I ate for the past few days (or perhaps it was because of what I didn't crap it out for the past few days)... (nah, I'm pretty sure it was the Mexican food I ate), but my stomach hurt so much at work today.

I got to the office and ate breakfast. Then I sat down to do some work and my stomach started grumbling and hurting. Really bad shooting pains and crap. Well, I held off till I couldn'tst holds no more and I went to the potty room. In the morning, no one really goes to the bathroom, so I was cool all alone, farting up a storm and such.

When some other dude came in and sat in the stall next to me, it was time to leave. I just can't poop when someone else is crapping on the other side of that thin stall wall. So I packed it up and went back to my cubicle.

One hour later, the stomach starts acting up again. So I hold off and hold off until I couldn'tst holds no more and ran to the bathroom holding on for dear life. Well, it was nearing midday, so the stalls were occupado. So I made like I just went in there to wash my hands and then I left (thinking I could hold it for a while). Well, I couldn't. So I took the elevator down to the first floor and went to that bathroom.

It's so nice! There is no one in there (save for an occasional man needed to urinate) and there are many many stalls. It also feels cleaner. So I sat there and did my business (keeping real quiet when other people came in, but letting out an occasional cough to alert them that they're not alone in case they want to fart aloud). So I finish and run back to my office.

I'm feeling better and it's lunchtime, so we go to Phillipe's for some famous French dip beef sandwiches. They were good and made me really crave The Hat. Need. Pastrami. Dip. Now. But I'm afraid it didn't help my stomach any...

An hour after lunch, my stomach hurts like hell again, so I immediately just ran to the first floor potties and crapped. Yeah... today was basically the worst day in the world. Even when I got home, I had to take another poop. Season of Four Craps.

Okay. You may all return to eating your pudding and such. Small tidbits:

1) Lee Leman, Cousin Spacey, and I went to see Urinetown the Musical last Sunday. I thought it was a lot of fun. It was really political and stuff, but done in a fun manner.


3) I bought the new New Found Glory album and they did it again. I can't believe it. The first thing I said after I put in the Sticks and Stones album was "Wow, they did it again." Well, they did it again again. Catalyst rocks. I'm a little disappointed that the last song on the album isn't as great a ending note as the previous albums. Ballad for the Lost Romantics and The Story So Far (and even The Goodbye Song) are all great departing notes. Not sure if Who Am I? lives up to my expectations yet. To be honest, I haven't really given it a good listen yet. I'm addicted to All Down Hill From Here and This Disaster.

Okay, I won't say no more. Oh one more thing... the picture from my last blog doesn't work. I hate this crap.

Losing my sense of scent,



Saturday, May 15, 2004

Where Depression's Just Status Quo

The work weeks go by so slow. Must... endure... for the... moola.

Anyway, this week at work, I spent a lot of time staring out of the high rise building window at the E3 (Electric Entertainment Expo) video game convention. I watched for three days as a whole mess of people got to see new games and systems unveiled. I hate them all. I wanted to go. I want to see the new Playstation Portable. I wanted to see video game junk. But alas, nope. I had to work. Plus, I think you need to be invited or something. Well, just for that, I'm not gonna invite any of those E3 Conventioneers to my fancy shindig. So there.

But one cool thing that happen was a military helicopter show. I guess the military was doing a demonstration of their chopper and it came flying by each convention day. It was cool seeing a helicopter fly at the same level you are at; it's just kinda weird. Anyway, it flew around in circles and came pretty damn close to our building. Pretty crazy shizmo.

Also, I ate my first Tommy's burger! It was pretty damn good. I think it gave me diarrhea though because yesterday at the gym, my stomach started rumbling with violent poop. Anyway, I got a cheeseburger combo with chili cheese fries and a bottle of cherry pepsi. It's quite an experience in itself eating at Tommy's. Well, maybe eating at the original one, as we did. You just grab your burger and stand at a counter and eat your grub. No chairs; nothing. Just you and the food.

This weekend starts my very ambitious "Summer Whiz Bang VavavaVooooom Boom Scootie McFlume" series of things to do. It starts with Urinetown on Sunday. Stay tuned... there may be some more additions to the series... perhaps a certain show about big hair and spray...

AND... the summer series might just end with a huge kabang! It's not for certain yet, but it looks as if I'm headed back to Walt Disney World.

Loving everything (including the fact that I now know how to add pictures to my blogs),



Tuesday, May 11, 2004


I don't know if you remember, but a few days ago I saw the weirdest thing go down in the Los Angeles River. A helicopter and two cops were chasing a pimpmobile. My explanation: they was blocking a scene for a movie or something. Well, that next Sunday, FOX 11 news reported that a show was filming in the LA River and startled people (because they used fighter jets and blew up a helicopter). An instant flag went up in my head. Could this be the same thing???

Well, it turns out that it was 24 that was filming and they aired that episode tonight. Freakin' AWESOME episode by the way!!! Anyway, they didn't show a helicopter/cop car chase under bridges though. But what other show could have been filming down in the LA River? I think they might have been testing out the possibilites of filming in the river. So, yeah, I'm still convinced that I watched 24 being rehearsed down there... and that's why I love LA.

And in a related story, riding the train home today, we saw three cars (very nice) spinning donuts in the water, around a photographer snapping pictures as it splashed about. I'm surprised at how much goes down down there. I thought that river was only good for carrying our collective craps down to the ocean, but I was wrong.

And I just realized that Paula Abdul couldn't really sing! I remember her being a lot better, but all her songs sound extremely synthesized. Shame.

Killing one childhood joy at a time,



Sunday, May 09, 2004

Boy is My Face (and Hair) Red

Yes, my face is red. Not because we just stuffed our fat little faces with endless amounts of baby back ribs from Lucille's for Mother's Day.

Nope. It's because in my big bolded title above, where it says "Visit the mind of a truely sarcastic saint... with a few disturbing twists," I've been spelling the word "truly" WRONG!!!

Crap weasels. Or should I say: Crap Weasleys...

(Talk about a segue!)

Right now I'm watching Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone. They're gonna be showing some scenes from the Prisoner of Azkaban, which I'm psyched as all hell to see. Anyway, the real importance of bringing up Harry Potter is to say that I've settled on a name for my pod.

In my immediate group of friends, we were kind of the Harry Potter nerds. Anyway, I was Ron because of my red hair, naturally. So, my pod's name will be Pigwidgeon (until I feel it's not the right now). I like it though. See, first I wanted to name it Hedwig because the pod is white just like it, but I don't really care much for Hedwig and the name is kinda boring. So I figure, even though Pigwidgeon isn't white, it'll do.

Now, back to work tomorrow. : (

Hiding in the cupboard under the stairs so that I don't have to go to work,



Thursday, May 06, 2004

Smother the Mothers Day!

Firstly, lemme just say Happy (belated) Fifth of May Day for all my hispanico brothas out there! Can I getta wha wha?

Please don't. You're embarrassing yourselves.

Okay, now that that's over with, I'mma tell you guys about something cool I did at work today.

The thing at work is that I have four mothers. It's been the running gag even before I started working there. It's so because my mom works with me and the other two co-workers in our immediate department (they also helped a lot in getting me the job) are female. So they're all my mothers looking out for me. I also got "adopted" by our sweet mail lady.

Just about every morning, they bring me something to eat for breakfast.

Nothing really to that little tidbit. I just wanted to boast.

So anyway, with Mother's Day coming up this Sunday and all, I thought I should definitely take the opportunity to do something nice. I mean, it was sort of a given. So yesterday, with my mom's help, I went to CostCo to get a bouquet of flowers and then to a Chinese bakery to get a grand cake.

This morning, I gave each of them 3 flowers each, which they loved, and we cut the cake after lunch. The cake made me feel a little dizzy for some reason (my guess is a bad kiwi). Anyway, they loved it and were surprised. I think my mom's a little disappointed that she didn't get the opportunity to be surprised, but I have a few plans for her this weekend. She'll see.

On another note, as always, the final episode of Friends is on tonight. I still remember the first time I watched Friends. I think the first episode I saw was the One where Chandler gets trapped in the bank with the hot model chick. Man, it was so damn funny back then. I told everyone about it at school. Then it started going downhill. I remember when the season finales were a BIG deal. They were the greatest cliffhangers TV had ever seen (for my generation anyway) and the talk of the town for the summer. I think after Chandler and Monica got married, it started getting too comfortable with its own humor... that is, it thought it was funnier than it was. I also think Chandler got incredibly unfunny after he got fat. Odd huh? And then there the fact that Ross got married too many times and then became just a little too neurotic to watch. He was striving to be funny by the way he acted, rather than the situations he was put in. And Monica got too loud and obnoxious.

Anyway, all in all, I think it has gotten better in the previous seasons, but I'm really glad it's finally ending; and on such a perfect season count too. Season Ten. I'll definitely be watching tonight and who knows, maybe I'll be sad.

But I'm already sad, if you really want to know. In a couple of hours, I have to go back to work. That depresses me. Not so much the work, although the days have their ups and extreme downs. It's just the fact that I no longer have much time at all for myself. I used to be bugged by Disneyland because I went so much, but I miss it now. It's probably because I'm dying to ride Tower of Terror again, but I really want to go. Having conflicting schedules with my friends doesn't help neither. It just plain sucks.

Well, I've bored you enough about my jolly problems. I guess things could be a lot worse.

I could drop my iPod for one thing.

Without wax,



Monday, May 03, 2004

Some Like it Hot... I Call Them Idiots

Man, don't it suck out there?

I mean, you sit in the car for a 5 minute drive and your back is soaked from your body juice.

I'm more of a cold person to tell you the truth. I can find it comfortable as hell huddled under a thick blanket and 7 layers on. When it's hot, all you can do is strip down to your skivvies and lay around until you stop sweating. It's a pain.

Sure, when I was younger, summer was the "cool" time of the year. Because, HOORAY, no school! But after college, it just sorta, well, sucks. When you work, it's the same schedule throughout the year. The weekends become your summers and that ain't not enough. So, when you work, you can either be cold during your non-breaks or unbearably, ruthlessly, unrelentless heatily (okay, I made that last adjective up) HOT! So, you be the judge. Of course, if you're under 21, you may not know what I'm feeling till you're out of school. But for those who do know what I'm preachin', lemme hear ya'll holla!

Shut up.

Okay, so it's hot and I'm a bit delirious from the heat stroke, but I gotta salute those who actually work out in the sun, i.e. Erico Suave, MacArthur, Julio Bob the Construction Beotch, etc. I guess what I'm saying is that I shouldn't be complaining about the heat since I work in an air conditioned office. But still, it's hot and I don't like it.

And now on to my Final Thought. I've been reading The Catcher in the Rye. I read it back in high school (or was it junior high?) but I didn't really read it. I kinda just followed along with the rest of the class. See back then, I hated reading... I couldn't appreciate any literature because, quite frankly, it bored me to tears. But now, I'm enjoying it! I think when people are forced to "read," they couldn't care less. I dunno. About the only thing I remembered back when I "read" Catcher in the Rye the first time was his night with the prostitute. Now, rereading that part, it's much clearer. I think Holden Caulfield is a hell of a role model. Well, not really, but he's really smart and calls everyone a moron, so that's A-OK in my book.

Anyway, I'm done. But you weren't forced to read this blogger, so you should care. Jerkwad.

BTW, Erico Suave says "hi!"

Getting socked in the stomach,



Saturday, May 01, 2004

The Life of an Employee: Hectic Week

Truly busy.

This week, Mother Routes was forced into a 5-day vacation (cleaning the house and all), so I had to go to work all by my lonesome.

Getting to work wasn't tough at all. I just followed the same routes as we always took, but it was really boring. For some reason, I tend to second guess myself a lot. I'll cautiously pull the "Stop Request" cord on the bus because I fear I'm pulling it at the wrong time (even though I know for sure it's the right time to pull it). Well, I finally mustered up the balls to just yank it and then I got off.

The bus. You pervs. Damn.

On Monday, we got slammed with 50 requests to do in one week. So all this week, I was busy doing them all (save for a few that were too hard to do). At least work goes by a little quicker when I'm continuously doing work. But man, it was all the same; very boring, very monotonous, and a big huge stack of it.

Anyway, that's over now. But because we had to tackle these special cases, we had to neglect our regular stack of requests. So on Monday, we got a whole mess of catching up to do.

That's okay. It keeps me paid.

In more relaxing news, I bought Big Fish on DVD and got the second Eye Toy game: Eye Toy Groove. It's just dancing, but it's kinda fun. Not as fun as the first game though (Eye Toy Play was just jam packed with little fun extras).

Some of you might remember my "December Daze" series last year; one of the most eventful weeks of my life. Well, now I'm eagerly awaiting my "Summer Whiz Bang VavavaVooooom Boom Scootie McFlume" events. It's gonna be awesome. I've been spending quality work money on getting tickets for a bunch of crap. So far on the roster, we got 3 shows and a concert (not to mention a bunch of movies I'm dying to see COUGHspidermanCOUGH).

So it's true what they said... 2004 flippin' rocks!

Killing May flowers,