Thursday, December 30, 2004

Coastin' With the Motion of the Ocean

Yeah, that title sounds a little too upbeat and happy for the tone of this blog, but it was the only thing that came to mind.

Anyway, unless you've been living under a rock, you've heard about the giant earthquake and tsunamis. It's really sad... really tragic. I've been reading the papers and watching the news about it and I'm really at a loss for words. It's just so devastating and amazing and I'm running out of adjectives to describe how horrible this is.

But with the death toll climbing, I find myself wondering... how do you pronounce that town "Phuket?" I mean, is it how I think it's pronounced or is there a different accent over the "Phu?"

Anyway, it's still a terrible event and I hope they bounce back quickly with help from the world.

In other breaking news, Christmas was pretty fun, but we hardly get to unwrap gifts nowadays. I remember how exciting it used to be. Shaking those big gift boxes under the tree, wondering what they were. Now we just kinda sit in front of the computer and play Yahoo! Games until we realize it's 12:45am and we could have opened our minimal gifts ages ago. I'm not really complaining really. I mean, it's great, the gifts we get. I love them. They're just more practical when you're older. You get money and gift cards. Who doesn't want that? But just want that excitement and fun that Christmas used to be. I think we can regain that with a gift exchange.

Here's my plan... we can still have the adults get the nephews and nieces gifts and whatnot. This year, I wanted to get gifts for my cousins, but it would have been way too expensive. So if all the cousins do a gift exchange, we can still have the satisfaction of getting a gift for cousins and we all get an extra gift! Next Thanksgiving, I'll get a hat and paper and we'll all draw names, for whomever wants to participate. I think it'll be fun.

And I hope my family and friends don't get the idea that I didn't like my gifts this year, because I really did love them! Some of the things I got included a wind up Bender (of Futurama fame) figure, clothes, Simpsons Jeopardy, and lovely glovelies.

Making a new year's resolution to quit rambling,


Friday, December 24, 2004

And a Partridge in a Persimmon Tree

It's Christmastime Eve and I still have a murph. But let's get to what you really came here to read... the list.

Charmin - Uncrustables (Just one bite taken)
Lee Leman - Half a dozen squashed cantaloupes
Samantha Wu - The third button down on my tie-dye shirt
Cousin Spacey - My patented Mr. Milk Carton Head (Markers sold separately)
K-mart - A rebate form for my new printer (I need that sent out by January 1st, thanks)
S-Dawg - A brown Vons bag (paper)
R-Man - A beige Vons bag (plastic)
Agent K - A bus schedule for the 78 line
Agent J - My permission to beat up Agent K for his new bus schedule
Lindz - Ten dancing chili beans
Cat - Chocolate covered earphones (Taste the music!)
Missy Elliot Girl (MEG) - A collection of eyeballs from around the world
Rionheart - The left wing of a bird who wanted to fly south to visit her chicks for Christmas, but was sliced in half by a warthog
Cherbear - Failed Origami attempts
Psyman - Varicose veins
Catwoman - Bottled fart
Nick Burns - Gift certificates to Gift Certificates R Us
Erico Suave - A receipt
Princess Karlita - Bee stings
MacArthur - Earwigs!
Meechi - German toes
Angel Wing Jasmine - Steroids and a pink muscle suit

Jolly as a mo fo,

Ricky Claus

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Psycho Claus is Coming to Town

Wow, has it seriously been more than a week since I last posted? Humblest apologies.

It's the whole busy shopping season that's taking up all my time, as of late. But no worries, I'm happy to announce that I have COMPLETED my Christmas shopping!

Okay, sure. My announcement isn't as exciting as JK Rowlings' announcement regarding Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince being completed and due out next July. But I try. You know. I try. We can't all be British bitches with kick-ass accents and scribbles on napkins (though I do have some of my best ideas on wads of toilet paper; DON'T ASK!).

All this week, I'm going into work alone since Mother Routes is on vacation. Poor me. But I guess it's good to cut the umbilical. Yeesh, time moves so slow when I'm at work. Work is the fountain of youth, I swear. You sit there and you just don't age. No matter how fast you want those wrinkles to show just so you can get on the train home, they never come. You just sit there and get fat. Those are the rules.

But it's not my fault I'm getting blubbery. What would you do if you sat in a chair for 8 hours and there were Mrs. Field's cookies, almond toffee, See's chocolates, donuts, tins of Hershey's Chocolate, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, taffy, Rice Krispie Treats, and after-dinner cake surrounding you? Run a 10k? Hell no! You're gonna stuff your fat mouth with that crap and like it! So help me god, you'll like it!

It's Christmastime. We all go a little mad sometimes near Christmastime. Me just a little more than others.

I'll be back soon with my second annual Ricky Routes Christmas Gift O'Rama. So make sure you're back here on the 24th for a peek at what we, The Routes family, got you for Christmastime.

Stuffing my stocking and face with crap,

Norman Bates

Monday, December 13, 2004

"It may seem like a dream, but it's real to me." - Jimmy Eat World

Have you ever had one of those dreams that you'd like nothing more than to forget you had? "Duh, RickyRoutes," you say, "they're called nightmares you stupid ass." Okay, Jebus! No need to get all confrontational. Of course, everyone has had those wonderful dreams where at moment's wake, you make it a point to remember after you wake up, but more than often fail miserably. It works that way with nightmares too. A lot of the time, after you wake up, you won't remember what it was that made you so scared and soaking in a pool of sweat. But this dream I had last night was the first time at moment's wake, I told myself, "Let this have never happened. Erase this from my mind."

I almost don't want to type this out because, in doing so, I will be fully admitting to myself that I indeed dreamt what I dreamt. Oh well. Here goes...

So last night, while I was sleeping, I dreamt that I wasn't really sleeping. I dreamt that something woke me up in the middle of the night. I remember days earlier, a friend mourning the death of his mother and then soon discovering that his mother had a strange infatuation with me. So while I'm in mid-sleep (this is still in my dream), I feel the presence of her ghost. She's standing at my bedside watching me, with a clich├ęd wind in her hair and billowing translucent gown. She's not beckoning me to follow her or trying to communicate with me in any way; she's just standing there watching. And I see this while my eyes are shut, between wake and sleep.

I can't really explain how I see her there. I think I just feel her eyes on me and picture the image in my head. Perhaps that's why the image I remember is such a typical stereotype of a ghost.

But now, as she stands there, I feel her hand reaching out to my neck. As she makes contact, my neck becomes ice cold. This brings me out of my dream state, still in my dream, and I look up to where I thought she was standing, but only to find nothing. I realize that I was only dreaming, but seen from a third person perspective, there on my neck is a white glimmering hand print.

This is the moment I truly woke up. When I opened my eyes, I could still feel someone standing to the side of me and my neck was, honest to god, cold as ice. This wasn't just a cold neck. This was blazing cold in one small area of my neck; so cold that I felt it in my throat (almost like her hand was still in contact). I couldn't muster up the courage to check if something was there or not. All I could do was cover my entire body with my blanket so that nothing could reach through and make contact again. Seriously, I was so tucked under my covers that I couldn't breathe most of the night.

Of course, this isn't the first freaky thing that has happened in my room. If you're really close to me, you already know this story. One night, after my brother Ellvin Kelvin had left for college, I was in my bed sleeping on my side. I then heard someone whisper directly into my ear "Ellvin." Completely sure that it was my brother Timotei playing some sort of joke, I sat up quickly to catch him in the act. A sheer pang of panic ran down my back when I saw no one there. I called out to my brother, who at the time slept in the adjacent room, but I only heard his snores in response.

I was pretty sure I was just imagining things, so I laid back down. Not two seconds later did I hear, louder this time, "Hey!" I jumped up again, determined to find whoever was doing this and still saw nothing. Now, completely freaked out and on the verge of tears, I turned on my radio and turned up the volume. Then I covered my entire body with the blanket and clasped my ears shut the entire night. After that night, it took me maybe a month or two to sleep there again.

So maybe I've been watching too much Desperate Housewives or maybe it's just my imagination on overdrive, but freaky happenings aren't really rare when it comes to my room, or my life for that matter. I've got stories from camping out as a Boy Scout to being home alone in my house. And you should hear the stories my uncle Razor Ramon has about his paranormal experiences.

Scared boobless,


Sunday, December 12, 2004

Hang in there, baby!

I want everyone to close your eyes and think back to your childhood. Blah blah blah the rest of this blog shouldn't matter at all since you should have your eyes shut. If you're reading this, then I know you're a lying bastard and I will never trust you again.

Okay, no seriously. Eyes closed, think back to the day you first learned about hang nails. Remember that little strand sticking right out of the side of your nail and how bothersome it was if you didn't yank it off?

And then remember pulling it off, but in the wrong direction. You pulled it back so that the root became more exposed and started ripping down your finger, rather than cleanly removing it? That was a big mistake.

What's that you're saying? You were never stupid enough to pull the hang nail the wrong way? Hmmm. Well who asked you anyway? You're supposed to have your eyes closed you bastard!

Uh... what?


Friday, December 10, 2004


It's a little strange, I realized today, that more people read this than I thought.

I was talking to my friend today over the phone (one I haven't talked to in quite some time) and she knew a lot of things about me that I know I never told her about. Well, they were things that I wrote down in this here bloggernal and it just caught me off-guard. I think it sort of does suck when I write an interesting story about myself here and when I go to tell it to people, they've already read about it. It then feels like I have no stories to tell, which makes for some awkward silences. Hmmm. Oh well!

I just got back from Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. It was just Timotei and I going to buy a gift for, well, me, of course. Yesterday, I was talking about having to go buy the 24 Season 3 DVD and Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories because they had just been released. Well, he then told me that he was going to get that for me for Christmas. The thing with buying me a gift is that usually if I want the item, I'll just buy it for myself. So it kinda makes it difficult to shop for me. I suppose I should just not buy anything after Thanksgiving until after Christmas, but I'm just not one for waiting.

Anyway, so we went today and he bought it for me and I bought 24. They also threw in a deal where if you sign up for 8 free issues of Sports Illustrated (or Entertainment Weekly), you can get $4.00 off your DVD purchase, two free sodas, and free popcorn. Seeing as how we already did the same thing for Entertainment Weekly, and knowing how easy it is to cancel the subscription, he did it. So free cokes and an even cheaper DVD set!

Wait till you see what I got Timotei for Christmas. I'm sure he'll love it.

But there are still many gifts to buy! I can't handle it dammit!

Stressed for the holidays,


Tuesday, December 07, 2004

A Jolly Holiday With Angel Wing Jasmine

Hmmm. Have I said how much Charter Communications SUCKS!?!?

Every friggin' night, we've got like an hour of online time if we're lucky. They'd better get their act together or I'm gonna kill their self-esteems by spitting on their dogs' feeding dishes.

Anyway, this past weekend, if you remember, was all about Angel Wing Jasmine. We first went to dinner at California Pizza Kitchen on Friday where we exchanged gifts! She got me some cool (and expensive) clothes and cologne (and some sexy stickers). I got her a ton of Chibamaru stuff. It's this cute dog from Sanrio (which is completely embarrassing to shop at).

Then it was two days of Disneyland. The first day was crowded. We happened to pick the weekend of Candlelight to go. It was raining pretty lightly, so that helped thin out the crowds and we basically did everything. By the end of the night, my feet were dead and I was pretty exhausted.

Then on Sunday, I had to make it back in the morning. By this time, I had my fill of Disney. I really didn't want to be back at the park. It was felt like working there again. Basically, since the weekend was so ambitious, and Disneyland doesn't feel like a fun place anymore (after years and years of going), I felt like I hadn't had a break in my work week. With my normal 9 to 5 job, I only have the weekend to relax and I didn't feel got that. But I was there for Angel Wingy and it was really fun and nice to hang out with her.

So after being a grumpy ass on Sunday morning, it turned out really well. We went to a character breakfast at the Plaza Inn. It was a buffet with REALLY GOOD FOOD and tons of characters to bug you while you chow down. Then we finished up the park and repeated some stuff in the rain.

That night, I played Metal Gear Solid 3 and beat it and let me tell you, it was freakin' spectacular!!! The story was so awesome. It was like thumbs up movie material. The ending is one of the greatest endings of any story I've ever seen/heard. It's one of those endings that turns the entire story on its head and makes you think. And it actually got me all misty eyed and I may have shed a tear or two. I'm aching for Metal Gear everything again. I want some action figures and posters and anything. I want to be Snake!

And lastly, weeks ago, I received word that my cell phone battery was being recalled. Apparently the batteries are counterfeit and could pose a health risk. I requested a new battery, but they haven't gotten back to me yet. Now, the other day, I got wind that my Oral B electric toothbrush is being recalled. Apparently if I bite down on my toothbrush, the head is detached and could get lodged in the throat and ingested. What's wrong with this world?

Oh by the way, work has gotten 20 times harder. Pray for me.