Monday, June 26, 2006

Poo'd the Piper

I sure paid the price today.

Because of my recent wisdom teeth extraction, I've been confined to eating soft foods for the past three days. On the first day, I had some porridge and pudding. However, yesterday the Oblongs had a big birthday party with tons of Hawaiian barbeque that I couldn't eat. So instead, I ate a scoop of strawberry ice cream, two cups of pudding, cream of mushroom soup, macaroni salad, and a nice helping of ice cream cake to end the night.

Today at work, my stomach did the blooooooop! while in mid-conversation with a co-worker. I promptly excused myself and bolted to the bathroom where I prayed no one else was doing "the two." Unfortunately someone else was. It was an unavoidable situation however because I had to go no matter what. So I took a seat and endured the burningest liquid shizz I've ever encountered. Ever. Surprisingly I was pretty quiet, but not without random short bursts.

I slowed things down a bit to let the other guy finish up and leave. It was an excruciating waiting game. Wouldn't you know it, the fucker wouldn't leave! He was probably waiting for me to bail, but I held my ground... that is, until someone else joined us... and this guy was a tooter.

At the first sign of an unpleasant Triple Shit, the first guy wrapped up his business and left. And after no signs of winning some privacy, I cleaned up and left. And wouldn't you know it? Just as I was leaving, the tooter cleans up.


I walked back to my cube and waited around a bit and then returned to a private restroom. I was free. I was relieved. I was in heaven.

Of course, I had to return twice more to actually finish up. And now I walk funny.

But seriously, I cannot handle that much dairy or I'll die of dairy-ria.

And for those who were curious as to how the actual extraction procedure was, it was extremely simple. I was nervous of course, but the surgeon assistants or whatever reassured me that it would be nothing because I was going to be put under. This was my very first time being gassed or shot up with whatever puts you out, so I was scared of how it would be like. The most important thing to me was making sure I was asleep. I didn't want one of those horror stories where the person appears to be asleep, but really isn't and then witnesses everything.

So they took my blood pressure and tried to find a vein to give me the shot, but couldn't find anything. They looked on both arms and finally found a spot on my wrist. The shot was a shot, you know. I mean it hurt, but wasn't anything notable. Then they told me that I'd be asleep in about 30 seconds, so I made sure to keep my eyes wide open-- and suddenly I was in the car on the way back home. Supposedly I said some things in the hour of my life I can't recall, but nothing too embarrassing. I didn't dance with the nurses or anything.

Okay, I'm gonna end this now. Bye!



Saturday, June 24, 2006

V for Vicodin

Heyo pokes. I may it. I got pots of gauze in my mouf right now, so palking is kinda hard.

I'm sick of the gauze already, so much. I'm also sick of my lip not functioning. I've been drooling so much that I could fill an Olympic sized pool. Yes folks, that much! But soon I'll be drugged up on some smooth smooth Vicodin and other meds. So if you've ever wanted me to think you were a unicorn from the planet Zebulon, come on over.

Getting rest,


Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Worker Bee-otches!

On this here little blog of mine, I tend to steer clear of hating on anyone close to my life. For instance, you'll never see me badmouth a family member or a friend or forgotten friend (unless in which case I already have, then you won't see me do it again). It pains me to bury these thoughts, you know? Sometimes I have to just bite my tongue and not blog about something even though I really really want to vent, which sort of means that this blog isn't 100% my honest life. It's a fluff piece because, well, just imagine the consequences if I were to just openly vent about someone close to me.

But people at work? What the hell. I'll talk about them however the frick I want.

Wow, where to start? Well, I think ya'll know that my boss is the coolest guy in the world. He's easy to talk to, friendly, funny, and understanding. Then there are the two or three co-workers who get on my case about using Apple computers. Then there's the guy who is like an older brother to me. We're constantly betting each other to do stupid things and I always lose (a bag of Corn Nuts). And then there's the lady who doesn't like me because I'm coasting through life pretty easily.

But on to the people for whom I've written this blog. We've seen a good number of newbies enter our office space in the past coupla months. One is a very cool nephew of one of my favorite co-workers.

But then there's this one person who has no real sense of office etiquette. This person is very blunt in that whatever comes to mind, it will be said. And trust me, they're idiotic comments that you roll your eyes over. This person is just grating.

But, and I just noticed that I've been using "but" a whole lot, there is one other person that also gets on my last nerve. This other person is smug and has no real sense of humor. This other person, to keep this short, is also grating.

So there you have it. I didn't really "say whatever the hell" I wanted to say about these people, as I didn't write anything that disclosed even their gender. I guess I am afraid that this will get back to one of them somehow. What can I say? I enjoy writing fluff pieces.

Hatin' in silence,


Friday, June 16, 2006


A week from tomorrow, I will lose 4 IQ points. That's right my friends. I will drink a full gallon of Windex for your snortful amusement.

Not really. Actually I'm finally having my wisdom teeth pulled. yanked. hammered. cracked. extracted by tiny piece after piece. chipmunk cheeks.

All of the above and I'm actually excited about the whole process to be honorary. This will mark my first time having a sorta surgery. I've never had an operation before (even if this is just a lousy oral one). It's kind of exciting.

The oral surgeon said that two of my teeth are definite surgical extractions whereas the other two could be done awake. I was going to ask for the knockout gas anyway because I want this to be the most painless, most pleasant, most polysynthetic, most proficient, most moist experience. I've had exposure to many-o horror stories and that stuff isn't fun. Actually, maybe I do want to have some sort of horror story to blog about. What's so fascinating about saying "I got knocked out and woke up with $4 under my pillow"?

Anyway, it's an interesting time to get this done since there's something to do every weekend this month. While my aunt throws a party for two of my cousins, I'll be feasting on blood-soaked gauze. Mmmm doggie!

But as I said, I'm excited to have this done finally. My mouth is entirely too small for so many sharp teeth and from the looks of my recent x-ray, one of my wisdom teeth is growing horizontally into my other molar. So I'd say this is going to be worth the $666.

Oh, you don't know that story? The ladies at the surgeon's office quoted an estimate on how much I'd have to contribute (versus insurance coverage) and it just so happened that I'll have to pony up $666 on the day of. When she was telling me, it kinda clicked in her head that the number was weird and probably a bad omen. I gave her a nice friendly frightened look, buggy eyes and all, and then reassured her that I wasn't superstitious. just heavily religious. afraid of the devil. terrified of triple digits. cuddly puppies. oven baked.

Freshly baked pookies. Mmmm doggie!

What the hell was all that about?



Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Beelz Day

We survived it! The world didn't come to an end!

I'm speaking of today being 666. Kinda cool. Kinda creepy. Kinda kooky.

Well I spent today trying to track down The Wedding Singer musical soundtrack. Went to Best Buy and they continue to suck major ballage. They didn't even have a video game that every other store has (that I was also looking for). Searched Circuit City, but no dice. Went into Borders and Target, but it was a no go. So I decided to just buy it off Amazon, signed up for a free trial of their expensive Amazon Prime program (free two-day shipping) and will get it on Friday.

I also realized something. I've paid a lot, seriously a ton, of money getting all these soundtracks and music in general ($17 for Wicked, $18 for Urinetown, $20 for BKLYN) and then I turn around and share it with my friends and family. Well, I'm tired of being the only one spending money on these, so if you want music from me, you're gonna have to help pay for it; otherwise you can just pay the full price for the album or get it from some other sucker.

But enough about stuff, I gotta mention that I'm psyched about seeing Cars this Friday. All in all, it's a good week and I can't wait till it's over so all the good stuff will have happened to me already.

All about the green,


Friday, June 02, 2006

Catching Up

No, jury duty didn't claim me. Far from it actually. I didn't even have to report to the courthouse. Like my last summons, my group number was never called, so thus ends another easy jury service.

So here I yam! Stuffage. Yes.

I can't believe it's already summer. Do you realize that this year is just about half over? Wow, and kids are almost out of school, aren't they? June used to be so exciting because it meant the start of summer vacation. But now, well, it's still kinda exciting. Summer means Early Fridays at work and donuts! Yup, just what everyone needs to get beach-ready: fried freakin' glazed dough.

Today was our second Early Friday. I spent the first one in Hollywood getting tickets for a bunch of us to Hairspray (cheap $25 seats!). Today, I spent the extra four hours of the weekend asleep! Seriously, I got home, ate, and crashed on the couch. I'd say that's time well spent.

Speaking of summer, check out how pale I've gotten. I am in dire need of a tan.

We've got stuff planned for the weekend, like seeing Urinetown at UCLA (cheap $7 tickets!). There's also a birthday party for many familiers on Sunday (our family gets together a lot), so that means Metroid Hunters marathon! But first thing's first... HAPPY BERFDAY EM!

June gloomy,