Monday, June 26, 2006

Poo'd the Piper

I sure paid the price today.

Because of my recent wisdom teeth extraction, I've been confined to eating soft foods for the past three days. On the first day, I had some porridge and pudding. However, yesterday the Oblongs had a big birthday party with tons of Hawaiian barbeque that I couldn't eat. So instead, I ate a scoop of strawberry ice cream, two cups of pudding, cream of mushroom soup, macaroni salad, and a nice helping of ice cream cake to end the night.

Today at work, my stomach did the blooooooop! while in mid-conversation with a co-worker. I promptly excused myself and bolted to the bathroom where I prayed no one else was doing "the two." Unfortunately someone else was. It was an unavoidable situation however because I had to go no matter what. So I took a seat and endured the burningest liquid shizz I've ever encountered. Ever. Surprisingly I was pretty quiet, but not without random short bursts.

I slowed things down a bit to let the other guy finish up and leave. It was an excruciating waiting game. Wouldn't you know it, the fucker wouldn't leave! He was probably waiting for me to bail, but I held my ground... that is, until someone else joined us... and this guy was a tooter.

At the first sign of an unpleasant Triple Shit, the first guy wrapped up his business and left. And after no signs of winning some privacy, I cleaned up and left. And wouldn't you know it? Just as I was leaving, the tooter cleans up.


I walked back to my cube and waited around a bit and then returned to a private restroom. I was free. I was relieved. I was in heaven.

Of course, I had to return twice more to actually finish up. And now I walk funny.

But seriously, I cannot handle that much dairy or I'll die of dairy-ria.

And for those who were curious as to how the actual extraction procedure was, it was extremely simple. I was nervous of course, but the surgeon assistants or whatever reassured me that it would be nothing because I was going to be put under. This was my very first time being gassed or shot up with whatever puts you out, so I was scared of how it would be like. The most important thing to me was making sure I was asleep. I didn't want one of those horror stories where the person appears to be asleep, but really isn't and then witnesses everything.

So they took my blood pressure and tried to find a vein to give me the shot, but couldn't find anything. They looked on both arms and finally found a spot on my wrist. The shot was a shot, you know. I mean it hurt, but wasn't anything notable. Then they told me that I'd be asleep in about 30 seconds, so I made sure to keep my eyes wide open-- and suddenly I was in the car on the way back home. Supposedly I said some things in the hour of my life I can't recall, but nothing too embarrassing. I didn't dance with the nurses or anything.

Okay, I'm gonna end this now. Bye!