Saturday, August 06, 2011

The U.S. Opening Up

Ellvin and Grace's wedding came quickly. And by this time Eric and Arthur had already taken me to my first gay club (Executive Suite in Long Beach) and my first gay pride (Long Beach Gay Pride). So I'm already getting comfortable in my own skin; no longer having to pretend to be unlike myself.

The wedding was beautiful and I knew I didn't want to steal or possibly put a damper on it, so I decided to wait till after to spill the beans. One night we went out in the city for karaoke and I tried to tell them there, but we had cousins tag along, so I refrained.

But the next day, we went to the U.S. Open to watch some big name tennis matches. We were with both my parents and Grace's parents. So I was looking for an opening where I would have Grace and Ellvin alone. Lunch came around where tables were hard to come by, so it just so happened that the parents and the kids had to sit at separate tables across a huge dining area.

Realizing that this was the best and possibly only time to do it, I tried to spit out the words during lunch. But all I could do was rub my hands together and stare off into space. While we were wrapping up lunch, I stopped Grace and Ellvin from getting up and told them, "I.. need to tell you guys that.. I'm gay. And I hope that's okay..?" My voice was as shaky as ever.

Grace's reaction was this: "Is that all? Of course that's okay!"

And then I started crying.

I started dishing about how hard things have been and the internal struggle and how I came out to Tim. Meanwhile, Ellvin still had not said anything. And I couldn't tell what he was thinking because he was wearing reflective sunglasses.

But after I was done blabbering about the usual gay coming-out stuff and still crying, Ellvin gave me a hug and I could see tears rolling down his face from under his sunglasses.

They told me that they would help support me when I told my folks. I said that I was going to try to tell them soon, but if I can't muster up the courage, then my absolute deadline would be Christmastime when Ellvin and Grace would be back in California at my side.

And even though I wanted to out myself to my parents as soon as possible, knowing that Ellvin and Grace and Tim would be there for me at Christmas was too perfect a scenario to pass up. And so I waited..