Wednesday, August 15, 2007

The Spider-ick! Chronicles: The Web Trap

Thems espideres are awful tricky. Yessum, I do declare that thems espideres have brains the size of peanuts... and for somefin that's smaller-like than a peanut, that's pretty darn big!

Each morning, right before we head off to work, our house is SWELTERING! So today, I had enough of the dry indoor stuffy heat and aimed to take in the cool morning breeze. I opened the door and Timotei yelps, "Whoa! Watch out!"

I looked back to see what he was talking about, but also pushed forward not taking any chances. That's when I saw a giant blackish dot fall right behind me. It was a damn espideres that narrowly missed me. After I realized what it was, I then felt the webbing in my hair.

This incident reminds me of one of my favorite Far Side comics. The single picture shows two spiders building a small web at the bottom of a playground slide, with the caption: "If we pull this off, we'll eat like kings!"

You see, this espideres had spent all night webbing up a trap to consume my blood and body whole. After it rigged a few lines down and across the doorway, it built a webbed plank right above the front doorstep. Then, as a wicked display of heartlessness, it spelled out a message in its web: "MMM SOME HUMAN".

Then it simply waited. When it heard my alarm, it smacked its hairy lips and drooled a bit. Then, when I stepped through the door, tripped the web, and triggered the plank to fall, Timotei's counter-spiderist reflexes sprang into action and alerted me of the plot.

I pushed passed the dropzone quickly and the spider smashed into the ground at a deafening speed, killing it instantly (after Timotei squashed it with his shoe).

We then found two more white espidereses hanging around the door. Is there any sort of repellant that can shoo these pests away?

I'm just happy I lived to tell another Spider-ick! tale.