Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Mushrooms & Broccoli

It happened with dairy... and now comes another reminder that I'm getting old.

We always used to pity my mom because she was unable to eat mushrooms nor broccoli. These food items gave her bad stomach cramps.

Two weeks ago, I had some mushroom chicken and noodles for lunch. From the time I boarded the train, through the evening, and up to the time I went to bed, I had the most excruciating stomachache. I was pretty much immobilized. I wondered that night if it could have been the mushrooms. But I loved mushrooms! How could they ever betray me?

Flash forward back to yesterday. I had a Subway breakfast wrap for breakfast, a chicken teriyaki bowl for lunch, and a apple-blueberry-raspberry smoothie for snack. When boarding the train, it hit. The cramps! But Jebus Crisco, what could have caused it? At first I thought it might have been the chicken because it tasted a bit... different. But if it was some sort of food poisoning, I would have been puking as we speak.

Then I remembered... there were two small broccoli pieces in my chicken bowl. Could it have been? Et tu, Broccoli? The pains were all too familiar. But as the night progressed, the pains became magnified. If you were at my house, you could tell by the loud constant foot stompings coming from the upstairs bathroom. I'm telling you, it was bad. Worse than giving birth to a baby bad! Trust me. I know.

I washed up and forced myself to sleep. By morning, I was fine. But what's the point in living if I can't enjoy mushrooms in my spaghetti or broccoli in my teeth?

This whole thing just bites the whole hog of hamster hell.

UPDATE 4/9/08: You can add cheese to this shit list.