Scat Ba Ba

Ya'll may have noticed that I ain't been bloggin' in a while. Honest to God, it ain't 'cos I been lazy or nothin'. That''d be just part 'o the reason, I reckon. It's 'cos, well, why don'tcha all just sit on back and I'll spin ya a tale.

It all started with a lawn that needed a mowin'.

There I stood, under the broodin' unrelenting harsh sun with my lawn mower chompin' away at the overgrown grass blades, when a portly Hawaiian feller waddled toward me. He asked of me, "I reckon, you the homeowner of this here property?" I tells him, "Sure are. My brother and I owns this dank lot the both of us."

The feller introduces himself as Whiskey Pete Jones, but I somehow thought the better o' that. Then he tries to offer me somefin' of a deal. He says, "I'm layin' down the cement of your neighbor's house and I's wonderin' if you'd be interested too? I got my men right here and figures we could do it fer a good price since they's already here and whatnot."

I tells him, "Gee mister, what kinda offer yous offerin' me?"

And off he went into our backyard, spray paintin' the ground, tellin' me about laying cement fer $7,000. Not knowin' what's a good deal or not a good deal, I calls my Pappy and he comes out.

Whiles thinking about the feller's offer, I comes to the mind that cement ain't really what I want and I tells my Paps to hear the feller's pitch and tell him no on account that I wasted some of his time already.

Well the next second my Pap is askin' the fat man about RV parking and after I's try to tell the man no as nicely as possible, Pap makes the deal, shakes the man's hand, and the man's crew starts demolishin' my wall, befere even a deal is inked in paper.

I's mad as hell at my Paps because I ain't wanted no RV parking. I wanted a yard fer plantin' and whatnot. And I's hated the fat man's guts fer the kinda dealings he partakes in. I really hope he gets a heartattack or sommat 'cos he's sommat of a crooked dealer jackoff asswipe.

Well we were stuck in this deal that my Paps made and so I made him pay fer it. We noticed rightaway that they's tryin' to cut corners; burryin' cement blocks, dumpin' the neighbor's dirt in our yard, flippin' grass over so as not to haul it themselves to the landheap. Worse thing's they din't cap off a sprinkler they cut off and when run, it would have leaked underneath the RV driveway which woulda been a disaster, I reckon.

So we's forced me Paps to take the next day off to make sure they's done a good job and not cut anymore corners. And he did and it came out pretty darn rootin'. But the asswipe fat ass still ain't come to give us the key to the darn gate. All I knows is I ain't never gonna do no more dealings with fat crooked pushy mother fuckers again, I swear it to God I do.

But this story ain't got nothin' to do wit why I's been bloggin' less lately. I ain't been blogging much 'cos I ain't got no internet 'cos I's moved into me new house! Finerally, after years of living under the rule of me Pappy and Mammy, I's finerally out into me own place. Down in Corona'sa fine place, I swear to God. But I reckon living here might be affectin' the ways I's talk. Is the way I's talkin' diff'rent or sommat? I ain't able to tells.


Rounding up Bessy and 'afeedin' the chicks,

Hicky