Did She Say to Grab the Clutch... or my Crotch?


What has two wheels, two legs, and goes vraam... brawww... brawwww... ehawwww... ehaa... ehaa... putt... putt... putt... putt... putt...?

Nope. Not an ADHD kid in a wheelchair.

It's yours truly on Angel Wing Jasmine's KX 125 dirrt bike!

That's right! Today marks one of the most fun days in recent memory. Here's how it played out:

The day started with Jamie & Danny waking me up at 10:00am, just in time to hear a disturbing discussion about how herpes can occur on your forehead and the recap of their entire show. Then I woke up and took a dump. After that, I bypassed the shower because I knew I was going to get dirrty anyway and surfed some websites till 11:30. At that time, I phoned Angel Wing Jasmine and asked her what I should wear to go riding. She told me to wear jeans that I don't mind getting dirrty and a shirt that I don't much care for. So I grabbed an outdated Quiksilver shirt and put it on, and also brought my favorite pair of Quiksilver jeans (because even if it got dirrty or ripped or faded, I figured it would only improve the look).

So I made my way down to Riverside and it was as smelly as ever.

When I got to Angel Wing Jasmine's apartment, we decided to first walk to Juice It Up! where I bought a very reliable Razzle Dazzle smoothie. However, drinking it made me feel sick (I think it had something to do with the shredded roof of my mouth and the extra sensitive gums [due to eating plenty of cereal on previous nights and burning my mouth on boiling hot tomato sauce just yesterday, respectively]).

ANYWAY, I'm getting sidetracked, but after we got back from Juice It Up!, we drove to the "Disneyland" lot (Transportation Hub #1) of UCR where there is PLENTY of room to rollerblade. No one parks there around this time of year and the ground is very smooth. Perfect blading conditions.

So we biked ass and I did my thing and Angel Wing Jasmine did hers (with style, I migh add). The thing I was excited about was that I got down skating backwards. Well, not very well, but in the past (as mentioned before), I've landed on my butt trying to skate backwards. But today, I got it down. And even though I can't skate very fast going backwards, it's still a major deal for me. Also, Angel Wing Jasmine and I were doing some jumps; just on the street, but jumping nonetheless.

She also gave me some cool stickers to slap on my new helmet. One is a Vans sticker that went on perfectly. The second one is an FMF sticker, but that one got all bubbly, but it works.

ANYWAY! After rollerblading under the noon sun for nearly an hour, we drove back to her place and chilled till 3:00. Then we changed, grabbed our gear, and made our way to The Wash, an off-road sandy piece of land with a whole mess of the biggest f-ing ants your mom's ever seen this side of the Sierra Mountains.

Mind you, this was also my first time really off-roading. I didn't know it was so... bumpy. But I rolled with the punches and maybe even dry-heaved a little.

Okay, so first Angel Wing Jasmine unloaded the bike (with very little help from me) and then she showed me the fuel line switch, the choke, the throttle, clutch, gear shift, nipples, and brakes. She started it up, which is a complicated process, and then did her thing. Then she let me try.

The process reminded me of operating the Casey Jr. Circus Train at Disneyland. There's a very specific proper procedure that you have to follow in order to go. And they're both fun!

So, she had me get on the bike and crank her up. After about 2 or 3 failed attempts, I finally got it started. Then she taught me how to start moving in first gear and to my surprise, I GOT IT! I went putting around in a giant circle and it was really really cool! It's like riding a bike if you're lazy. It's so great.

So after that, and a small break between rides, she taught me how to shift gears into second and eventually third (because I was feeling daring). Angel Wing Jasmine let me wear her helmet and goggles too because the dust was getting in my eyes and I didn't want to die.

(BTW, AWJ's boyfriend, Mr. Margaritaville, joined us early on in the day. So, it was kinda intimidating riding for my first time in front of two of Riverside's best dirrt bike riders [and jet skiiers]).

Anyway, at one point, they told me to just go around this huge circle that took me around a large part of the field. I was game. I took off, shifted into second, then third, and went around the trail. But, the thing is, there are many many different trails to follow at The Wash, so I took whichever one was in front of me at the time. I got a little lost.

I went down a ditch and turned around to return to civilization when suddenly, the bike stalled. This was going uphill too, so I was having a hard time getting it into neutral to start it up again. After about 5 minutes, AWJ and Mr. Margaritaville called out a search party (just them in her truck) to find me. By the time they saw where I was, I finally got the bike started again and was jetting back to our base. Twas very awesome.

And later on, AWJ taught me to stop the bike without killing the engine. I did it once, but the second time I forgot to keep giving the bike gas and it died and then proceeded to fall over on me. With a swift leap and a chop saki roll, I walked away with only a dirrty arm and sand in my underpants.

So all in all, I got a ton of riding time and there isn't a better feeling then hitting a small ditch and bouncing on the bike from the shocks. It's so much fun and I need a bike of my own now.

After about 3 hours of riding, taking pictures and videos, and feeding ants Mentos, we headed back to her apartment and kicked it for a few. I think I was in such of a high that I made like 10 pork jokes; which is odd because usually I max out at 7.

So I drove home after my incredibly Extreme Sports day wanting my own dirrt bike. Plus, I still want a BMX bike. I went home and was bacon my mom for a dirrt bike, but she said that I had to find a job that gives me medical insurance first... then I can get the bikes. Well, I better start cracking on that resume or draw up plans to hold up a Kaiser Permanente.

Plenty of pictures to post in an update soon. I'll keep you posted.



Eating corn to filter out my grubby system,

Ricky

P.S. Thanks for letting me ride Jasmine!

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