Saturday, March 13, 2004

Brotherly Love... My Ass!

***Warning! The following rant contains vulgar language that may not be suitable for some cousins.***

So, check this ya'll.

Ellvin Kelvin, his friends, and I took a road trip to Philadelphia today (first state of the union or whatever that crap is) and the town is incredibly dull.

Firstly, you can't find parking anywhere unless you're willing to give your first born away for the first 1/2 hour. We ended up settling with a $14 flat rate structure (which was virtually sold out!). FOURTEEN F***ING DOLLARS for three hours of parking.

Then, when we got out of the car, we were hungry, so naturally we went to get authentic Philly Cheesesteak sandwiches. Let's just say that they're TERRIBLY overpriced and not even that good. They were good, but UC Riverside had the same quality cheesesteak sandwiches (with real cheese too... not crappy Cheeze Whiz).


Then, we look for stuff to look at and the best we could do was Independence Hall (which we needed to obtain a free ticket from two blocks up in order to go into... SCREW THAT!) They had a Congress Hall with a reproduction of the Declaration of Independence. The place was in dim lights and no flash pictures were allowed... FOR A COPY OF THE REAL THING. WHO GIVES A FREAKIN' CRAP???

The Mint building looked like a total bore, the Congressional Museum was a total bore, and guess what... Philadelphia is a complete and utter waste of time. Nothing there! Sure the town is quaint, but the sightseeing value is wayyyyy low. Go to Washington D.C. instead. (BTW, they do have the Liberty Bell, but we didn't care to actualy visit it). We did find Ben Franklin's final resting place... and it was really odd and tacky seeing a small souvenir shoppe inside the cemetary.

ANYWAY, after killing mucho time, we went to our main event... the Sixers vs. Knicks basketball game.

By this time, we were hungry again, so we went to go buy another Philly cheesesteak sandwich. What else are you supposed to eat when you're in Philly? So we go to the lady working, who we'll call Jean to protect the innocent... Ellvin Kelvin asks for two sandwiches "and that's it." She asks in a grumbly, sourpuss voice, "with onions?" We say "yes." She pulls two sandwiches out and then grumbles under her breath, "wa-als." Ellvin Kelvin nor I could understand her. So we ask her "what?" She repeats, "wa-als." Again, she's mumbling this under her breathe; it's very inaudible. Ellvin Kelvin and I look at each other bewildered. We're thinking that she could be saying something about the price, so he asks one more time "I'm sorry?" So she takes a deep breath (obviously annoyed) and yells (like really yells) "WHAT ELSE???" Ellvin Kelvin and I are shocked. She continues, "I HAVE A BAD VOICE AND YOU MAKE ME SAY THIS 1000 TIMES!"

At this point, I'm thinking of what to say to the bitch. We just stay quiet, give her the cash for the two sandwiches, and then leave. Of course, we think of a number of comebacks that we should have said to that bitch. I really wish we just said "no" to her and walked away without buying anything.

Anyway, she basically ruined the event for me, so I had to say something. So I went back and discreetly got her name from her namebadge, went to the first floor and asked if they had a guest services booth (they did), and I went and told my story to the supervisor who was very shocked about what happened. He told me that he was glad I notified him about this and I left. I hope that bitch gets fired pronto. What a skank. Sure she was old, and I probably shouldn't have wished bad things on her, but I really hope karma bites her ass. Stupid old bitch. I will no longer have pity for old folks, especially when they're crabby ass bitches.

The game was cool; it went into double overtime.

We got back and I hate Philadelphia and will be happy as a clam if I never go to that boring sh**hole ever again.

Feeling Will Smith's pain about leaving Philly to go to awesome Bel Air,