Sunday, September 05, 2004

ANThology Part Two: Ants in my Underpants; Sans the Boogie Dance

A firestorm of ants raged through my room yesterday night. Apparently they found the dirty underwear again that I left on the floor, but this time, they managed to send out all their troops to retrieve my pellets of dooty. Yeah, I don't know why either.

It all started when I took a piss in the bathroom and saw a big ant conga line marching along the wall and into my bathroom sink area. I followed the trail which split into two further down the carpet. One trail led to a small dead bug which they were trying to save. A fallen comrade? More like lunch for the little people.

The other trail went straight into my room and to my surprise, the destination, my pile of three tighty whities. Maybe they just like Hanes.

Anywho, I sprang into action. Firstly, I got my Chamber of Torture device and trapped a lot of ants in an isolated spot. Next, I took another trapping device and covered the dead bug and all who tried to carry it home. Then I sprayed a little pesticide where the ants were coming from. After that, I took my underwear and threw it in the sink and drowned those F'ers. Then I slept.

In the morning, the ants, dismayed that their whitie goodness was taken from them, left my room. There were a lot of dead ants in the bathroom and in the sink. The ants in the Torture Chamber had all perished. It was vacuumin' time.

After I sucked up those punks, I tended to my underwear which some new ants discovered. So I killed them and then checked for damage in the undergarments. It appeared that all the ants were concentrated in the "assious" region of the undies. That's just freakin' sick. Makes me wonder what I ate and farted in the past few days that's made them say "Mmmm mmmm come to daddy."

So basically, I don't know where to put my underwear anymore. Now I'm forced to wear the same pair for weeks at a time.

But who cares, because I'm seeing Little Shop of Horrors today! Three day weekends are swell.

Farting candy apparently,