Saturday, October 16, 2004

ANThology Part Three: Ant Bully

Because of the constant ant-related stories, I've decided to group them all into my ANThology series. Pretty clever, huh?

Don't judge me!

Anyway, this is of course part three of the series. Part one, if you remember, was entitled "Ant Rant" and part two was called "Ants in my Pants; Sans the Boogie Dance."

Tonight's episode follows the misadventures of Mother Routes and her plan to kill all the ants in the neighborhood. She noticed that ants keep invading the stove area of our kitchen and fan out across the counters gethering what crumbs are left behind. Instead of killing them on the spot, she's decided to lure as many ants from the nest as possible with some bait and then when the count reaches 300,000,000... WHAMMO!!! Massive pesticide!

It's a disgustingly terrible, cruel, inhumane, and deliciously ingenius plan! I know it's not going to work as well as she thinks, but it's still nice to see a vast amount of hopeful (belly full) ants DEAD. Take that suckers!

And the ants love my toilet for some reason. I went into the bathroom one day and found, to my surprise, a group of ants huddled around the top layer of toilet water sipping to their hearts' content. I found it pretty annoying and disgusting, but utterly enjoyable to piss on them. They never knew what hit 'em!

I think I might need some psychological help. I'm having too much fun with this whole ant thing.

Pissed off, but at least not pissed on (har har har),