Saturday, April 16, 2005

Trucking Neighbors

Just a few days ago, I received a phone call at home just as our doorbell rang. On the phone was our neighbor from across the street. He called to complain that the alarm on our truck was going off at the moment and that it had been throughout the previous night. He sounded annoyed and frustrated, yet calm, but stern, but still, I didn't really like being bitched at like that. At the door was our other neighbor complaining about the same thing.

Our truck usually sits in the garage, but since we're trying to clean house, it was out on the driveway. Yes, I know that our truck alarm is way to sensitive.

For instance, one day I had to drive the truck to the train station. When I got to the platform, big eighteen wheelers would drive right by where our truck was parked and set off the alarm. At first, I didn't know it was our truck, so as everyone turned to look and bitch, I joined in. Then I realized it was our truck and through a red face, I kept up the guise of hating whomever the truck belonged to.

Moral of the story is, something has to set off the alarm. Unless there were big mother truckers roaring through our tranquil little cul-de-sac, I'm fairly certain that the cause of the alarm were the two or three neighborhood cats that, get this, belong to one of the neighbors who bitched at us.

These freakin' cats are always at our house. Sometimes they dig up our yard. Sometimes they sneak into our garage and meow ALL FREAKIN' NIGHT until we open the garage (and leave it open for a while) and let them out. Sometimes they have sex or something in our backyard and catfight like hell (seriously, it sounds like a 10-foot 7-inch woman clubbing a newborn... and liking it).

Long ago, we were afraid of my brother's room because if you sat in that room for a while, during the night or early morning, you would hear a slight jingle from a bell coming from a dresser near the window. This freaked us out for years. We were also told (and now I know it was a joke) that the bells are the spirit of a dead Chinese man wanting us to help us find out who killed him. Eventually we found out that the neighbor's cat wandered through our backyard and on the wooden structure next to my brother's room and wore a bell on its collar. Mother trucking cats.

So, we were fine with silencing the truck. We unplugged the entire battery until we were able to bring the truck back inside. But I think we need a long term solution. How's this? I'll buy a shotgun and wait for the cats to show up on our driveway. Then, put a nice amount of shotgun shells into their furry little heads. That definitely sounds like a better solution since shotgun blasts are less annoying than car alarms.

Bang, Bang, my kitty got shot down.