Friday, July 07, 2006

Meat Meets Hole

You're f'in dirty. This is NOT a blog of a suggestive nature! I'm talking about the holes left after my wisdom teeth were removed.

So I was eating some ribs delicioso for dinner. Scarfed down four pieces eating normally. You see, I learned that when food gets stuck in one of the four holes, I just dig it out with my tongue or rinse it out. They don't get absorbed into the body and disappear forever like I had thought.

But then, after I ate those ribs, I felt something jammed in my lower left pocket. I tried to tongue it out, but no dice. I tried rinsing it out, vigorously, but nothing happened. So I tried prodding with my finger. I felt the healing gum tissue, but couldn't find the lodged meat. I started to think maybe it was my gum flapping around the hole. But determined to find something, I got a toothpick and jabbed it around. I struck blood which concerned me. But I now knew that there was indeed something stuck in there because the toothpick pushed it further into the abyss.

I got way more concerned. What would happen? Would it be in there forever, getting moldy and pussy? In a panic, I tried flossing, nothing; more toothpicking, nothing; fingering, nothing. Finally, I even more vigorously rinsed my mouth, honing all my suction power on that one particular hole. In and out and in and out, I swished and swashed, never swallowing. It was tap water.

Then the most amazing thing happened. I felt the meat rising to the top--swish--bulging out of the hole--swash--dislodging itself--gurgle--ooh oohh pop! Like some ecstasassy eruption, the meat leapt out of the crater and was spat into the sing.

It was a huge chunk of a BBQ rib. I was afraid if I tried to eat it again, it'd get stuck once more, so I flushed it down the drain.

And that's my story. If you found some parts questionable for certain audiences, I think you need to get your head out of the gutter. You nasty.

Asking if that was meat in my pocket or was I just happy to see you,